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I am sorely displeased with the latest issue of Green Lantern. Yes, I was mentioned it its pages. Usually that is enough to sate me. But here I was mentioned in an unflattering context!

Consider these words spoken to Black Hand by my enemy Hal Jordan in a flashback: "You're just another masked nutbag like Sonar and Doctor Polaris."

Now, a "masked nutbag" I may be (though only a fool like Jordan would go to the dregs of the English language for insults). But I am nothing "like" Sonar. That preening popinjay isn't even worthy of mention in the same sentence as myself. Not to mention the fact that the timbre of my voice is far more pleasant than Sonar's constant screeching hysterics.

Still, I am even more disturbed that I was compared to Black Hand. I do not need to inform you, dear readers, how I differ from that weirdo. Polaris fears nothing, but I am a little freaked out by Black Hand just the same.

Seriously. There's something wrong with that guy.

Some have asked me why I do not plan to return as a "Black Lantern." After all, I am a prime Green Lantern villain. Shouldn't I play a role in the biggest Green Lantern story in years?

Such foolishness. It is not about being involved in events. If I were to appear in Blackest Night I would be relegated to a bit part as a slavering zombie. That is beneath me.

Additionally, I would be forced to play second fiddle to Black Hand. Not only that, I would probably have to talk to him. Really, there are only two options when it comes to Blackest Night. They are thus:

#1: Join in and interact socially with the disturbing and foul smelling Black Hand.

or

#2 - Sit out the big event and wile away my time drinking fine wine and enjoying the company of lovely ladies on a beach in sunny California.

Which would you choose?

I've been thinking about Green Lanterns a lot lately. I suppose that's to be expected considering Blackest Night is on the horizon. Mostly I've been going over Green Lantern villains in my head. Specifically Hal's villains. And I've found that -- with one notable exception -- they're all a bunch of shifty, creepy weirdos.

Sinestro's got that mustache, first of all. You know you can't trust a man with a 'stache like that. Hector Hammond has... The exact same mustache. Plus he's always trying to have sex with people using his brain. That's just disturbing.

The Shark, of course, wants to eat your brain.

Still, even among a menagerie of misfits, creepos, and pervs I think we can agree that Black Hand is the skeeviest of the skeevy:

Why exactly do you attract all the freaks, Hal? Kyle's villains weren't this creepy...