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Showing posts with label Hal Jordan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hal Jordan. Show all posts
And yet... By all accounts somewhere around seventy-five percent of Earth's Green Lanterns will survive this so-called "war." Consider this "striking" cover for the war's aftermath:
Now I am no particular fan of Rayner. He and I have tussled on more than one occasion and that art school dropout never once gave me the respect that my multiple degrees in higher scientific disciplines deserve.
But if you lined up the Green Lanterns and allowed me to choose one to kill... Well, Kyle wouldn't be my first choice. Probably not my second either. He's a stupid kid, but at least he seems to know he's stupid. Unlike Jordan.
I'm sure there will be many who weep and gnash their teeth about Kyle Rayner's impending demise. But I am less concerned with the ones they kill than I am with the ones they leave alive.
Back before they brought back Hal Jordan I didn't want him back. I had no real connection to the character. In some sense I still don't. In fact, I was pretty pissed off in the beginning. Now, I'll admit that a lot of that was the snide smugness of a great many Hal Jordan fans.
Time passed and I mostly got over it. The Green Lanterns I liked didn't go away even with Hal headlining the Green Lantern solo book. And admittedly Geoff Johns was doing some interesting -- if weird -- stuff with the character and the book.
Then they talked about bringing Barry Allen back and I wondered again if it was really necessary. After all, Wally West had a great run as the Flash. I haven't counted, but it wouldn't surprise me to find out he's gotten more page time the the "Patron Saint of the DC Universe" ever did.
But they brought Barry back and I learned what a lot of people had said was true: Barry is incredibly boring. But setting that aside I've also grown comfortable with having him as the Flash again.
I may have gotten used to it, but I sometimes wonder if was really necessary. And I've come to realize that it was absolutely necessary.
How many of you have seen this footage for the Green Lantern movie? There's some pretty impressive stuff in there and I'm quite hopeful that it will make an entertaining film. But it could never have happened if they hadn't brought back Hal Jordan.
Could a film have been created featuring Kyle Rayner? How about Wally West? As much as I love those two characters they are defined by the heroes that came before them. Whether you like it or not, Hal Jordan and Barry Allen are iconic as Green Lantern and the Flash. They even have the dubious honor of having replaced their Golden Age counterparts as the quintessential versions of those characters.
It isn't just limited to the movies either. The characters and concepts in comics and other media need to be at their most pure. It's hard to explain who the Flash is by telling people that he's the nephew of the first Flash. But it's easy to say that a scientist was granted amazing super-speed by a bolt of lightning. Or that a pilot was chosen by a dying alien to wield the most powerful weapon in the universe.
In the same way that Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman can never really be replaced it was folly to think that the same thing could be done with Green Lantern and the Flash. Or Aquaman, for that matter. These are characters too powerful -- for good or ill -- to be overwritten. And when I go see the Green Lantern movie in June, I'll know that it was necessary -- and inevitable -- that Hal Jordan have the starring role.
If you had cause to read the little "War of the Green Lanterns" preview in the back of this week's DC comics you might have seen the little snippet. The "Guardians" wax on and on about all the serious mental deficiencies that the various Lanterns have. They finally conclude that Hal Jordan is "emotionally unstable."
I believe it is safe to say that that is the understatement of the decade.
Hal Jordan has always been unstable. And as a deranged split personality, I know unstable. That fool Jordan can't seem to figure out what he wants out of life. He's always going this way and that, never settling on any one thing. When a man doesn't know what he wants out of life he is adrift. And potentially a danger to himself and others.
This, I believe, is what we have seen in Hal Jordan all these years. The fool can't seem to decide who he loves (if he loves at all) or where his heart is. And if he doesn't figure it out soon, he may have a complete mental and emotional breakdown.
I'm looking forward to that.
The worst thing about it is this: with all these Green Lantern comics they can't seem to find room for even a single appearance by Doctor Polaris. I don't care which one of those dullards I get to beat up on. My preference is certainly Hal Jordan. But I'm just as willing to crack Kyle Rayner's skulls. I've done it before.
But instead we continue to be fed new villains. Random cosmic figures and non-Green Lantern villains shoehorned into fighting those pathetic ring-slingers. Though my position is paramount, I wonder if the other Green Lantern villains are as annoyed as I. Where is that fool Sonar? What about Evil Star? Does anyone even remember Evil Star?
Setting this all aside, the course is clear: one of those three writers needs to get me a cover spot. Put me on the cover and his life may yet be spared. I'm willing to be patient... But for how long?
It's been a long week. And it's still not quite over. I'm so tired I can barely move... But I can still think! This is Thursday Night Thinking!
Idiot.
Thursday Night Thinking returns! Tonight: everybody's favorite lovable idiot Hal Jordan!
There, Jordan decries him as "second-best" as Green Arrow calls him "b-list." The question is this: should I direct my considerable rage towards Jordan for daring to denigrate the man who -- deserved or not -- bears my name? Or should I direct my rage towards the pitiful, broken fool who has shamed the good name of Doctor Polaris with his ineptitude?
It is a question I will spend time musing on over the course of the weekend...
As you all know, your normal host has been consigned to the cellar until such time as I see fit. Until that time I shall undertake all actions necessary to keep this blog running smoothly. This means that I shall prepare the thoughts for this regular feature.
Behold: a thought chosen by Doctor Polaris:
You'll have to forgive me. I'm not feeling particularly great tonight. I'm so tired I can barely think. But that won't stop Thursday Night Thinking!
Continuing our long tradition of using throughts from classsic Silver Age covers here's Hal Jordan from Green Lantern #7:
Well, tomorrow's the big day. Blackest Night begins. We have some idea of what to expect, but beyond that the whole story is sort of a mystery. Here are my predictions for issue one:
- We'll get some concrete hints to the "Big Bad."
- Coast City will be trashed again.
- Black Hand will do something creepy.
- The Guardians will reveal another new law.
- Someone will reference Hal having been Parallax.
- An unexpected Green Lantern villain will make an appearance.
- Hal Jordan will do something tremendously stupid.
Word on the street is that Ryan Reynolds will be playing Hal Jordan in the supposedly upcoming Green Lantern film (I say supposedly because I never believe a rumored movie will actually be made until I see pictures).
Anyway, what do you noted GL enthusiasts out there (and I know there are many who read this blog!) think about Ryan Reynolds as a choice? I hadn't heard him rumored before, but now it sort of makes sense. He's very good at the whole "slightly dimwitted, cocky, self-assured sonuvabitch" thing.
Consider these words spoken to Black Hand by my enemy Hal Jordan in a flashback: "You're just another masked nutbag like Sonar and Doctor Polaris."
Now, a "masked nutbag" I may be (though only a fool like Jordan would go to the dregs of the English language for insults). But I am nothing "like" Sonar. That preening popinjay isn't even worthy of mention in the same sentence as myself. Not to mention the fact that the timbre of my voice is far more pleasant than Sonar's constant screeching hysterics.
Still, I am even more disturbed that I was compared to Black Hand. I do not need to inform you, dear readers, how I differ from that weirdo. Polaris fears nothing, but I am a little freaked out by Black Hand just the same.
Seriously. There's something wrong with that guy.
Whose brilliant idea was it to put my old enemy Hal Jordan in charge of a Justice League branch? Superman I can understand. John Stewart and Captain Atom make sense. Even that interminable twit Booster Gold might work.
But Hal Jordan? One doesn't need to color yellow to stop Jordan. All you need is soap and a tile floor. Or an exposed buttress. Or even a blindingly obvious billboard.
Explain to me this: how exactly is he supposed to contend with Prometheus, the second most dangerous man in purple to square off against the Justice League? Though he does not frighten me, I know many within and without the villain community who tremble in fear at the mention of the man's name.
The only trembling villains experience when they hear the name of Hal Jordan are trembles as an antecedent to laughter.
I've been thinking about Green Lanterns a lot lately. I suppose that's to be expected considering Blackest Night is on the horizon. Mostly I've been going over Green Lantern villains in my head. Specifically Hal's villains. And I've found that -- with one notable exception -- they're all a bunch of shifty, creepy weirdos.
Sinestro's got that mustache, first of all. You know you can't trust a man with a 'stache like that. Hector Hammond has... The exact same mustache. Plus he's always trying to have sex with people using his brain. That's just disturbing.
The Shark, of course, wants to eat your brain.
Still, even among a menagerie of misfits, creepos, and pervs I think we can agree that Black Hand is the skeeviest of the skeevy:
Superman may be gone and Batman may be dead, but Thursday Night Thinking is eternal!
Let it be known that I have, on multiple occasions, had cause to face down the various Earth Green Lanterns in combat. Indeed, my first foray into supervillainy saw me arrayed against the bumbling ineptitude of the Green Lantern known as "Hal Jordan." So I am uniquely qualified to weigh in on which of the Lanterns is the "greatest."
But first, we must consider the meaning of the word "great." In one context, the word has a positive meaning. For example "Alexander was the greatest general of the ancient world." But in another context the word can have a very different meaning. Consider the following: "Hal Jordan is the greatest fool I've ever known." In this case the word carries a negative connotation.
Since we are speaking of Green Lanterns, it is the latter context that I shall employ. So know this: Hal Jordan is the greatest fool I've ever known. It is a fact that his intelligence shines only in comparison to the dimmest of primates. Among the great apes he would be consider quite the dullard.
But more than that, Hal Jordan's skull serves as the greatest magnet for head trauma the world has ever seen. In battle, I would not even have to work hard in order to cause Jordan to smack his skull into a girder, buttress, or similarly exposed object.
The other Green Lanterns are skilled in many ways. But as I have said before, their skulls lack a certain je ne sais quoi when struck by heavy objects. It is indescribable, that. But what I do know is that Hal Jordan has it. This alone is enough to make him not only my "greatest" enemy, but the "greatest" of the "Green Lanterns."
Hey all. It's been a tough couple days here at Diamondrock Manor. Severe ice and snowstorms knocked out the power for a considerable period of time. And with no power, that means no heat, light, or Internet. The last was unbearable.
Still, we persevered and here I am once again to deliver to you cutting insights about the current world of comics. I still read the blog over at Newsarama even though my favorite contributor has left. (you know who you are!) And what did I see when I went there before the power went down?
A post about why Kyle Rayner is better than Hal Jordan. Oh boy.
I thought we were over this. Hal's back, Kyle's still around, and John and Guy are doing well too. Why can't we all get along? Why can't we all just agree to disagree about which Green Lantern we may or may not like on a given day? I myself tend to fluctuate between favorite Lanterns. Sometimes I like Kyle, because he's the guy I grew up with. Sometimes I like Guy because he's awesome.
But regardless, I don't really care if X person thinks that Y Lantern is objectively the best. Because I've got my own ideas, and more important battles to fight. Like making sure DC fixes Cassandra Cain...
Oh, wait.
Welcome once again to Thursday Night Thinking!
Tonight: a man many consider vain sends a giant statue of himself to do his job. Do you think that's vain?
Consider: a team of super-heroes led by my old enemy Hal "I Done Hit My Head" Jordan. The possibilities for inept bumbling are immense. We are talking here about a man who cannot take a shower without knocking himself silly.
And the proactive "going after the villains" thing has been done. Many times. If Batman can't pull it off then well... I don't think Hal Jordan has much of a chance. I know that I am well-prepared for superheroic incursions on the various properties that I have purchased over the years with my ill-gotten gains. Magnetism repels all assaults!
However, the addition of a giant gorilla to the team may at least add some needed stability. Someone has to help Jordan to his feet after he smacks his skull into Green Arrow's after slipping on a yellow banana peel. Some things are inevitabilities.
As you well know, Geoff Johns is retelling Hal Jordan's origin. Again. This isn't the first time that Hal's origin has been retold. Or the second. Or even the third. But this version is probably going to be a little different from the previous version.
Specifically, it'll be full of retcons! We all know how much Geoff Johns loves retroactive continuity. So the heart of this "Secret Origin" is probably going to be a lot of things that we actually don't know about Hal -- because they never happened before.
There will undoubtedly be a tightening up of the friendship between Sinestro and Hal, as Johns has really been playing that up. For me, that friendship just reiterates what an idiot Hal Jordan really is. I mean, jeeze... How bad of an idea is it to become friends with a guy named "Sinestro"? I don't know anybody named "Evilor" or " Doomerina." But if I did, I wouldn't make an effort to become friends with them...
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