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Showing posts with label Vampires. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vampires. Show all posts
He's BA-ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Evening my Children. Den Mother Colleen here with a mini-review of Sanctuary...the land of the Pretty. Towards the end of season 2, something horrible happened on Sanctuary. Not an uncommon occurance when dealing with monsters on a daily basis. The horrible thing was the devamping of Nicola Tesla. And remaking him into a Magneto rip-off. Both things royally pissed me off. I liked the idea of Nicola Tesla as vampire/master of electricity. AND I mean master of electricity the way Jenny Sparks of The Authority (awesome graphic novel whilst Jenny lived...now she's a toddler...long story that would require another article) was master of electricity...as in he could CREATE IT with his body. Then he got devamped with his own device (really, really stupidly, btw) and somehow developed the ability to manipulate magnetic fields. THUS, Magneto rip-off. So tonight's post is dedicated to Nicola Tesla: Vampire, devamped, Magneto'd, and now revamped!!!!
FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!
Anyway, quick recap. Helen Magnus was part of a group that called themselves the five. The five included James Watson i.e. Sherlock Holmes, John Druitt aka Jack the Ripper, Nigel Griffin aka The Invisible Man, and Nicola Telsa aka unnecessary as he's NICOLA FUCKING TESLA. Now this group somehow procured a batch of unaltered vampire DNA. In Sanctuary, vampires weren't undead aberrations, they were a species of Earth called Sanguine Vampirus that could breed but were still, in fact, immortal. According to Sanctuary history, they were the great emperors of Rome, Greece, the Pharoahs of Egypt, etc. Basically they ruled the world and humans were their slaves. Well, humanity, under the power of the Church, rebelled and largely exterminated the species. They also, which still hasn't been fucking explained, managed to sterilize the remaining vampires. So the unaltered vampire blood is blood of a random vampire who wasn't sterilized. Anywho, the Five injected themselves with the blood giving each some cool new ability or trait. Watson's natural intelligence was heightened to superhuman proportions. Druitt developed teleportation abilities, unfortunately during transit of a teleport some bat-shit crazy abnormal piggy-backed into him and made him Jack the Ripper. Helen Magnus became essentially immortal. Nigel Griffin became a human cloaking device. Nicola Tesla, due to a vampire ancestor, had dormant vampiric genes awakened and became a vampire...who can manipulate electricity.
So for 120 or so years, Nicola larked about, trying to use his blood to make other vampires. He finally succeeded in the 21st century. But they weren't playing by his rules so, using a fail-safe device, he devamped them. Unfortunately, while he was devamping the last asshole vamp, the guy grabbed him and pushed him onto the device, which apparently worked at both ends. Thus Nicola was devamped...as I said, stupid huh? And to make it even more irritating, he became Magneto.
Well in the most recent episode of Sanctuary, The Awakening, our Nicola gets revamped. YAY!
So he and Helen are investigating a cave that was supposedly Praxian (the underground beings who went, well, underground to escape the rule of the Vampires) but was taken over by the vampires. The vampires put a booby-trap in it and Tesla gets shot with a laser. While investigating the site at Tesla's "dying' request, Helen uncovers a stasis pod with a vampire in it. Realizing that this woman probably predates the sterilization of the vampires, she goes all HULK on the crystal and withdraws some blood...and revamps Tesla. YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vampire Tesla...AGAIN! As it should be!
However, in the process of HULK STRENGTH, she destabilizes the pod and it starts disintegrating...and the vampire is set free. Originally I thought her name was ATHENA...which makes sense to me as she was quite Goa'uld-like...but apparently she's AFINA. Whatever. Anyway, she decides that the world should be taken over by vamps again, tosses Nicola down a big ol hole, and takes Helen hostage to be her own undying meals on wheels or meals in heels to be more accurate. They go into another chamber deeper in the cave where there is a big ol room full of vampires in stasis. She starts the wake-up call. Helen attacks her. Bad move Helen...this is a VAMPIRE...
Meet Athena or Afina.
Meanwhile, Tesla is trying to get the fuck out of the hole. AND apparently he still has his magneto powers and is able to grab his pack, which has a very convenient grappling hook and apparently a shitload of rope. And thus saves Helen from being all killed by Afina. He throws the grappling hook at Afina and the momentum knocks her across the room. Anyway, while he and Afina have a big ol' vamp fight, Helen stops the other vamps from being awakened...but Afina wins the battle. Helen stops her by saying she'll give Afina the crystal that had the location of the Praxian city if she lets them go and tells them how to get out of the cave...unbeknownst to said vamp, the crystal has a fail safe in it that creates A BOMB if a vampire gets a hold of the information. Helen and Tesla haul ass out of the cave while vampires go boom and MAN WHAT A BOOM. There's a big ol crater from the boom.
Oh, meanwhile, the rest of the gang deal with Kate's ol mercenary gang. But I really didn't care about that subplot except for the part where Kate tells her ol' gang that they have one chance to get out of dodge posthastey as she is now part of the Sanctuary and thus is a bad-ass for good!
That's about it. Vampire Nicola has been resurrected (he actually uses that term) and Kate is scary when she's pissed. So all in all a great episode. Which is nice since I couldn't care less about the past couple of episodes.
Good Night and Tesla Bless You!
Bleah, bleah!
It's after 5 AM here, so I'll be succinct.
Behold! 10 minutes of the only possible way to view Twilight with your self-respect intact:
Enjoy, and then treat yourself to a GOOD vampire flick: Fright Night, Dracula's Daughter, and Blood And Donuts all come to mind.
Nitey-nite!
The Primogen of Clan Scoot
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