Those of you who know me know that in addition to being a medical doctor I am a scientist of some repute. As such, I often find myself struck by intriguing hypotheses to age old questions. Questions that have bedeviled scientists of lesser intellect for generations. Tonight, I put my mind to just such a question.
And so we begin with the query: exactly what kind of egg is Egg Fu? By "Egg Fu" I am of course referring to Chinese egg mastermind (and jerk who didn't invite me to Oolong Island) Chang Tzu.
It is clear that Chang Tzu is in fact an egg. That could not be more obvious. And as an egg, Chang Tzu must have been laid by some sort of creature. I am no biologist, but that is usually how it works. But there are literally thousands of species upon the Earth that lay eggs. Which one is the source of Chang Tzu's evil?
At first glance, the obvious answer would seem to be a dragon. After all, Chang Tzu is Chinese, a land famous for its beautiful and noble dragons. Unfortunately, a cursory evaluation of the evidence makes this highly unlikely. As I said, dragons are beautiful and noble. Chang Tzu, of course, is hideous and ignoble. After all, is it not noble to invite great minds of scientific evil when populating a sinister island with the greatest minds in scientific evil?
Aside from dragons, what creatures lay giant eggs? Another possible answer is some sort of dinosaur. After all, these great creatures once walked the Earth and laid very large eggs. But this can be quickly discounted as well. By and large, dinosaurs are extinct. It is possible that an egg from some sort of giant saurian was whisked away from Dinosaur Island. But as temporal physics are not one of China's strong suits, we'll leave that aside.
What other possibilities? Other than dragons and dinosaurs, the world's largest egg comes from the ostrich. Ostriches, of course, are known both for their delicious taste and their impressive legs. Chang Tzu has no legs. Strike ostriches from the list.
No, I believe that the answer is simpler than we have all considered. Chang Tzu is an egg that shows not even the slightest courtesy to fellow evil scientists. Only one creature could be the source of such an odious egg: the long extinct dodo.
With that, our scientific investigation is brought to a close. We have looked at all the options... And only one rises from the pack as the incontrovertible truth. And that is what science is all about.
