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Forgive the lack of posting these past few days. It's not exactly a simple matter to prepare for a trip that spans not only thousands of miles but time as well (due to the nature of the world's spinning I arrive in Chicago two hours before I leave Osaka).
And yes, the timing of my trip does have everything to do with the recent release of Superman Returns. I expect that I will see the film at least a half dozen times while I'm home.
It was then that I realized what a crappy Rogue's Gallery I have.
As I got closer, I also realized that I knew who it was. It was my old ally in crime fighting, Cassandra Cain! When I finally made it up to the stoop, Cassandra looked up at me. She seemed really happy to see me, and it looked as though she'd been crying (that was more than a little disconcerting).
I asked her what was wrong, and she let spill the most horrible story I've heard in a long time! Apparently she's been replaced in the DCU proper by some sort of alternate universe counterpart! And an evil one no less!
I told Cassandra to come inside right away, and that we'd get this thing straightened out. I immediately set out to call "you-know-who," but Cassie explained that she already tried that. She also tried calling Oracle, Nightwing, and Superboy (I didn't have the heart to tell her what happened to him).
Anyway, once Cassandra got calmed down and had some of that tea I know she likes (I was reading her book, even if nobody else was!) I tried to coax more of the story out of her. She really didn't have any answers. Some lunatic that looks like her showed up in Gotham. And even though the afore mentioned lunatic spoke and acted in a manner completely divergent from the real Cassie, everyone seems to think it's her!
I immediately assumed mind control, and decided to beat the Mad Hatter within an inch of his life. But Cassie explained that he was being written by Gail Simone now, and that calmed me down. But that also left us without leads, so Cassie's been pretty much left without options and with no place to stay.
Long story short, Cassandra Cain is now sleeping on my couch (of course I offered her my bed; she turned me down). Although she'll probably be around, don't expect any posts from her -- she still can't read and write.
She sure as heck can't speak Navajo, either.
Holy crap! Is The All-New Atom going to totally rock? Of course it will.
I was happy to have a look at some of the preview pages. What the hell is going on here? John Byrne's art looks better than it has in years. The characters -- likable! The situation -- intriguing! Craziness! Weirdness! Shrinking! A superhero who isn't just another boring white guy!
Honestly. Go read that preview. It just really clicked with me. I've never really been interested in the Atom. I didn't particularly care for Ray Palmer. And even with Gail Simone (I love you Gail!) writing, I wasn't sure if I was going to pick this up or not.
But this is what these previews are for. I am totally hooked.
And OMAC looks pretty cool too.
I haven't been around much these past few days. That's because I have yet to acquire a copy of Robin #151. This is important to me, you see. I must know the fate of Cassandra Cain. And I can't go to other blogs for fear of having the truth spoiled. So I'm sort of trapped within myself, in a sense (also there's this whole "planning a trip back to America" thing).
Anyway, I thought I'd discuss something while I was here. So I'll do something easy:
Manhunter.
Everyone talks about how awesome Manhunter. I will join that chorus. Know that Azrael (and yes, even Doctor Polaris) agree with me as well. It is an incredibly kickass book.
Here's something for the naysayers (spoilers!): Kate Spencer? She's the cousin of Jack Knight. That's right -- the nearly universally adored slacker Starman. That was a great comic, wasn't it? Manhunter deserves to run at least as long.
Though I'm probably preaching to the choir here, if you're not paying for Manhunter, start now. Because if you don't, I'll have Doctor Polaris suck the fillings out of your mouth. And he'll do it, too. Because I've clout with that man.
Anyway, a little known feature granted me by my magnetic powers is the ability to travel through time at will. So a few years ago I took a trip through time to relax in the era of the Legion. But the story gets weird pretty quickly. So bear with me.
It was my first night there, and I was relaxing at a high-class drinking establishment enjoying an excellent martini when a woman sat down on the empty stool next to me. She was wearing my least favorite color -- green -- but I was willing to overlook that because she was absolutely gorgeous.
"Nice cape," she said to me.
"Thank you," I replied. "It was made for me special by a master tailor after I kidnapped his family." She laughed at that -- and what a delightful laugh it was! I introduced myself as Doctor Polaris: Master of Magnetism. She told me she was called the Emerald Empress. A moniker which, I will admit, worried me a bit. But then she had laughed at my remark about that vicious kidnapping. I decided the press further.
"Are you... One of those super-heroes?" I asked with some trepidation. Her brilliant green eyes grew dark.
"How could you say such a hurtful thing?" she replied. It seemed that I had wounded the lady. I quickly apologized, and explained that I myself was a famous supervillain -- from the 21st Century! That seemed to renew her attention. She explained that she was a member of an evil consortium herself, and that she often clashed with the Legion of Super-Heroes. Well, that was all it took to make up my mind!
We spent several more minutes chatting and enjoying each other's company. We swapped stories about our villainous exploits until she excused herself to go to the restroom. After she left, I pondered my good fortune. It was then that I noticed something at the other end of the bar. I nearly choked on my drink when I saw it.
It was a terrifying, floating, disembodied green eye! It hovered above a mug of poor-quality Venusian beer, and its cruel gaze seemed to burn into my soul. I turned away; it was too terrible to comprehend.
Moments later the Empress returned; I suggested that we might leave for some place a little more... Comfortable. She readily agreed, and we quickly exited the bar. I kept my gaze away from the... Eye...
It wasn't long before we arrived at her hotel room. Of course, she invited me in. Things proceeded smoothly from there. I don't think I need to spell it out for you. But it was later when things went all wrong. I'd had a strange sensation the entire night. I'd felt as if someone were... Watching me. It grew even worse as the night wore on. I was certain that there was someone -- or something -- there! It was then that I spied a glint of green light from the slightly ajar closet door!
I leapt out of bed, throwing the Emerald Emperess off balance.
"Darling, what's wrong?" she gasped.
"There's something in closet!" I replied. With that, I used my magnetic powers to tear the door from its hinges.
There, hovering among the linens was a terrifying, green, disembodied eye!
"What the hell is going on here?" I shouted. The Empress did not seem overly stressed (which I admit, perplexed me).
"Oh, that's just my Emerald Eye," she said casually. "It likes to watch. Now come back to bed." Well, that was certainly enough for me. The filthy Eye had been watching us the entire night! Without a word I grabbed my cape and made for the door. I heard the Emerald Empress calling after me -- but I didn't look back. I knew the Eye was still watching me.
So that's the story of my first night in the 31st Century. The day started well, but certainly didn't end that way. But the rest of the trip made up for it. Lots of ladies in the Legion, after all. And most of them haven't heard of my reputation...
You see, apparently Dave (that's my new boss) has heard of me. I suppose it's not unreasonable to assume that the owner of a comic book store might have heard of me. I don't know if he found my costume impressive or simply felt sorry for me, but he has agreed to give me the job.
So, like some of you out there I am now a member of the comics industry (albeit in a minor capacity). If you are ever in Gotham do swing by the store -- I will be happy to service you in whatever way you may need.
So, by now we've all met Kathy "Kate" Kane -- the one destined to be the new Batwoman. Some people surely love her already. I bet others hate her guts. Me? I find myself shockingly indifferent. And I have no idea why.
Part of it's probably because she's so tied into the Renee Montoya story. I'm not really enjoying the Montoya story. Too much Montoya. Not enough Question. Not nearly enough Question.
Another part is that I'm finding the implied relationship between Ms. Kane and Montoya to be... Well, I'm not finding it to be anything. It just doesn't seem real to me.
But in the end, those are all problems I have with Renee Montoya. Kathy Kane just hasn't made much of an impression on me. I know her entrance was supposed to be all impressive -- "Look! A beautiful woman in a dress!" -- but it's nothing we haven't seen a hundred times before.
Don't get me wrong; I don't dislike Kathy Kane at all. And some of my indifference probably stems from all the hype surrounding the character. She really is just another supporting cast member, after all. But a far as supporting cast members go, she ain't no Alfred.
But I'll give her time to grow on me. I guess she'll probably be getting some more face time in 52. But I'd still rather have a faceless goon than a beautiful redhead. I wonder what that says about me?
Have you noticed the emerging consensus on artificial meta-humans in the DCU? I know, that last sentence didn't make any sense. But hear me out anyway.
In 52 we have Lex Luthor releasing his "meta-therapy" to give anyone superpowers. The Chinese certainly took advantage of it in the form of The Great Ten. Even One Year Later the Chinese are still cooking up meta-humans (and it looks like Kobra might be getting in on the action as well). To top it off, the Brotherhood of Evil seems to be serving up superhuman clones to the highest bidder.
What's up with all of this? Is this some sort of commentary? If it is, I don't have any clue what it means. Or is it simply an excuse to come up with a bunch of cool new characters? Or is it all leading to somewhere? It's clear that DC and Marvel aren't about to step away from big crossovers. Are they laying the groundwork for some sort of... Additional Crisis?
Probably not. But I'll take the cool characters just the same.
You see, revealing your identity to the world rarely ends well. Unless you're a swingin' villain like myself. Then it just leads to mobs of howling female fans.
But I digress. The point is this: you're gonna get your ass killed, Parker. Or even worse, the asses of your loved ones. Back when I was still in "the game," If I'd known that Green Lantern was really my old friend Hal Jordan I would have swifty killed his brothers, his girlfriend, and his mechanic confidante.
Of course, things may be different over in the Marvel Universe. After all, some of their "villains" were already well aware of Spider-Man's identity. And like the impotent fools they are, they fail to make use of the knowledge.
But it doesn't work that way in my world. After all, have you ever heard of Captain Extraordinary? Of course not. That's because Doctor Domino figured out his secret identity.
As it is, I've got an interview tomorrow for what will be my last attempt. If I don't get that job, I'm giving up. What sort of job, you ask? Why, it's at a comic book store.
Wish me luck.
The Japanese calender uses the year of the current emperor's reign to represent the date (It's currently Heisei 18). One of the most important emperors in recent history was Showa (known to the west as Hirohito). The year Showa 52 is equal to our year 1977. So what important events occured in 1977 that might be important to our 52?
- Elvis died!
- Star Wars was released in theatres!
- Jimmy Carter became president!
- The Yankees won the world series!
- Snow fell on Miami!
What other terrifying events occured in years with tenuous connections to the number 52?
You see, I destroyed them all.
I -- Doctor Polaris -- make it my mission to shut down any and all blogs that focus on Marvel comics in a positive light. Using my unparalleled brilliance I hunt the bloggers down and destroy their computers with electromagnetic pulses. It's a simple matter, really. After their blogs are shut down I destroy their comic collections. Then I neutralize The bloggers themselves.
Of course, some predominately Marvel bloggers are clever enough to hide from my piercing gaze. I salute them, even as I decry their decadence.
But they can't hide from me forever.
As long as I've been trolling around the comic blogs I've heard good things about John Ostrander's Suicide Squad. So I've made a point of hunting it down. And wow, if it isn
t as good as everyone says. It's just fascinating to read a comic where anybody can seemingly die at any time. I love it. Plus, it's full of amazing scenes like this:
Way to go, Werner!
I'm at an unusual impasse... That is, I can't think of anything to post. Usually that's not a problem (and if it is, the Doctor or Azrael often have things to add to the discourse). But today I can't seem to think of anything to say.
So here's a full page ad from Angel and the Ape #3. Discuss.
I really feel that I've graduated beyond such petty crimes. I mean, I've fought Superman. I nearly took down the entire JLA. Clearly I shouldn't be wasting my time with pointless bank robberies (it's not like I need the money anyway).
But this leaves me at a loss as to what sort of crimes I should be committing. I've sort of run out of things to do. All the normal stuff seems so pedestrian. What evil is there left for me to do?
Maybe I should go into politics...
In 52: Week 5 John Henry Irons asks a very good question:
"What was he doing out in space? Whose idea was that? He barely has powers from what I know."
His question was regarding Mal Duncan, who was one of many to be horribly mutilated by an accident in space.
As for the answer to that question... Well, we all know that the answer is Donna Troy. It was her idea to take a bunch of non-powered people into the depths of space against a terrifying foe that they didn't understand. Great idea, Donna.
Here's another question: where the hell is Donna Troy now? While these people -- people she took into harm's way -- suffer, where is Donna Troy? Is she by their bedsides, supporting them as best she can in their hour of need? Not as far as I can tell.
Where is Donna Troy? Why isn't she doing everything in her power to help these people? Why isn't she even around? Was talking to a floating orb and pretending she's Wonder Woman more important than the lives of people who are supposed to be her friends?
I guess my very first blog post was right on the money: Donna Troy is a bitch.
I've stumbled upon a little wrinkle in the Post Crisis DCU. It's not the first such thing, of course. And it's not likely to be the last. But I found it very interesting.
You see, Tim Drake thinks Superboy Prime is dead.
I was rereading Detective Comics #820 when I noticed it. While under the influence of the Scarecrow's fear toxin Robin fights a vision of the Earth-2 Robin. Tim makes short work of him, and is then faced with a far more terrifying specter: Superboy Prime.
But that's not the interesting thing. The interesting thing is how Tim rationalizes the phantom away:
"You took my friend, Conner. You took away a lot of Titans. But Conner died taking you with him. You're dead."
This certainly raises a lot of questions (at least in my mind). I'd imagine that the general public doesn't know much about what really went down. Like the fire fighter in 52: Week 1 they've just been told that someone put the world in dire peril. And that that someone was stopped.
But what about everybody else? Most of the caped community knows what happened. They know the raw power Superboy Prime possessed -- and how almost no one could stop him.
But who really knows that he's still out there? Tim Drake seems not to know. Does Wonder Girl know that the monster who killed her boyfriend is still out there? Do the rest of the Titans? Does Batman?
Do they know that he's out there, waiting, biding his time? Do they know that he will get out? And how would they react if they knew?
This isn't really about comics. But I don't care.
There are a lot of things that make me geek out. But there are few things that make me geek out the way all things Transformers do. So of course, this had quite an effect one me:
But I came back to life so that I might be able to go see the film when it hits theatres. There's also an official site, but there's nothing there save an ominous countdown.
Still, I feel that I can now go forward in life with hope. For I will be able to see giant robots on the big screen. Which is the reason God put us on Earth. For giant robots.
So I turned to the want ads. I found a great many "bodyguard wanted" ads, but I settled on one by a Mr. H. Reginald Hatbutter. (what is with Gotham and weird names?) Anyway, Mr. Hatbutter's ad attracted me because he "works mostly at night." That's when I'm best, too.
I went in for an interview. He was your typical "fat cat" type of industrialist. Expensive suit, cigar, the whole deal. He "liked the cut of my jib" and decided to hire me on.
On my first evening of work I put on my best costume and went into the office. Mr. Hatbutter immediately informed me that he had a very important meeting with an associate in the abandoned warehouse district. (only Gotham would have an entire district devoted to abandoned warehouses...) It was then that I started to feel leery about the whole endeavor.
We took Mr. Hatbutter's limousine out to a mysterious building in the abandoned warehouse district. He had me open the door and go in first. It was then that I was darn sure that things weren't going the way I had hoped.
Turns out that my boss's "associate" was Oswald Cobbepot -- The Penguin! He didn't seem to recognize me (must've been all those costume changes). I wasn't sure what to do. After all, I was being paid by Mr. Hatbutter to help him with his work. On the other hand, my sense of justice called out for me to put a stop to whatever vile enterprise he and the Penguin were engaged in.
Luckily I didn't have to decide, as it was that moment that the warehouse's skylight (all abandoned warehouses have skylights) shattered. Who do you think dropped in? It was none other than Robin, The Boy Wonder. He took out Cobblepot and Mr. Hatbutter while I stood dumbfounded.
He asked me what I was doing there. I managed to mumble incoherently something or other about "being undercover." I don't know if he fell for it (the kid's pretty sharp) but he let me go on my way. I think Robin feels sorry for me.
So another attempt at honest employment falls through. And this time I didn't even get paid!
Wow, the current Superman story is good. I was worried for a minute (what with Clark talking about how hard it was to have superpowers). I thought we were going to get angsty Superman who laments that he's the coolest and most powerful person on Earth, is best friends with Batman, and is married the the finest woman in comics.
But no, we did not get that. Despite the problems such powers cause (and he didn't pretend they aren't there), Superman didn't go all "Peter Parker" and lament the terrible destiny forced upon him.
Quite the contrary, he revels in it. He says he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. That's the Superman I want.
You may be asking why I -- Doctor Polaris -- would be waxing on about capes when I am usually directing my ire towards deserving fools. Such as Marvel. Well, that's what I'm doing. Because Marvel has a shortage of capes.
The cape is noble! (or ignoble, as the case may be) Yet the fools who inhabit the Marvel Universe look upon it with scorn! Does Spider-Man wear a cape? Does Captain America? How about Iron Man? The Hulk? No, these fools do not. There are some -- namely Magneto (Magneto!) -- who do wear capes. But they are exceptions (besides, we've already established that Magneto is a dim copy of myself).
Despite being on opposite sides, I respect men like Superman, Batman, and the others who wear capes for their sense of fashion. They may be goody goody losers, but they know what looks good.
But you know who doesn't wear a cape? Hal Jordan.
Here's what happened: I went to work at a large chain retail story. I will not tell you the name of this chain other than the fact that it starts with a "W" and ends with a "-Mart." Draw your own conclusions.
I immediately sensed that something was wrong. The poor workers at this store seemed to be ill-treated -- not unlike the horrible gnomes who used to work for the Order of St. Dumas. Demoralized and broken, my poor co-workers served a harsh master that cared not for their needs or joys.
Only one thing could be done: revolution! So as with the fall of St. Dumas, I used my charismatic skills to rally my fellow workers into seizing the store's well-stocked armory. With those resources, we would change the world for the better.
It didn't exactly go well.
You see, the only fellow workers who actually joined me were Steve (from electronics) and Carl (who worked the paint mixer). Our three man revolution was quickly crushed and we were all sacked by management. We agreed to go our seperate ways: Steve to Best Buy and Carl to Lowe's. Myself? I took the path St. Dumas has always laid out for me: fire.
Leaving behind the blazing inferno that had been the "W-Mart," I moved onto my next attempt at honest, non-vigilante-related employment.
I was wrong to take my anger out on the new Batwoman. I realized that when I reflected on the character. When I realized that she could actually be a lot of fun. And when I realized that I was acting just like one of those Hal Jordan fans.
I guess I sort of understand how they felt. It hurts when your favorite character is (seemingly) turned into a villain arbitrarily. It hurts a lot.
But that's no excuse for taking it out on his/her replacement. Just as Kyle Rayner had no part in Hal Jordan's downfall neither has Kathy Kane been a part of Cassie's. The fault in both cases lies with editorial. Or perhaps with loser fans like me who just can't let go.
And I probably won't let go right away. It may take awhile. Hell, the Jordan fans screamed about it for a decade. Then Hal Jordan came back. But I don't see there being any sort of "rebirth" with Cassandra Cain. There were always a lot more fans of Hal Jordan than there have been Cassie Cain...
So for the record: I'm sorry, Ms. Kane. I was out of line. I look forward to reading about your adventures. Just remember the symbol you're wearing. Don't screw it up.
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