|
|
---|
Us Superfriends know that science fiction, fantasy, and horror have the best and weirdest villains. When you are dealing with a strange, futuristic, or supernatural setting, a normal mustache twirling bad guy just doesn’t cut it. How do you make a villain extra super duper creepy? Hollywood ’s answer: Make `em sexual deviants! Or at least give her/him creepy, sexualized behavior and a leather outfit to match.
These villains usually come equipped with a collection of torture instruments that would make the Spanish Inquisition jealous. Some of them are creepy sexy, some simply disgusting. You're never quite sure if they want under your skin or into your pants. These Disturbingly Kinky Villains love to dish out pain and, sometimes, take it with perverted glee. Underground dungeons are a must, unless one dwells on a spaceship, alternate hell dimension, or is a powerful tyrant with carte blanche to do as s/he pleases. Whoever these villains are, whatever their motivation, “Safe, sane, and consensual” is not in their vocabulary.
9. Drusilla & Spike, “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”
Psychopaths Prefer Blondes
Talk about a match made in crazy sadist heaven! These two definitely get off on playing with their food and tormenting their victims. They have a bizarre, dysfunctional relationship that you can bet is kinky as hell. At one point Spike vows to torture Drusilla until she loves him again. Dru brings out the worst in Spike, and we love to watch that happen.
Spike is her “bad dog.” Heel, boy!
8. Voldo, “Soul Caliber” Series
Long before FFF, Voldo was a creepy bastard. While not strictly a villain, it is obvious that this guy was designed to evoke disturbing feelings. Blind and speechless, Voldo contorts and cuts people up, all while rocking a fancy thong/codpiece combo. There is a move in which he leaps through the air, wraps his legs around you, hisses in your face, and stabs you. He’s basically a gimp who can fight, move like liquid and bend his body into circles and knots. The real question is: what time does he get off work?
Voldo: "Hiss hiss ssshh shhssssh hiss!"
Translation:"Didn't wanna be a tough guy. I wanted to be a dancer!"
What's that? You say you want a link to 2 Voldos dancing in rhythm to music, and all the insanity that that implies? No?? TOO BAD HERE IT IS! Sleep tight, kids!
7. Sharaz Jek, "Doctor Who"
"The Caves of Androzani"
(starring the awesome Peter Davison as the 5th Doctor)
"Who the fuck IS this guy??"
Old “Doctor Who” episodes never cease to amaze me. Sharaz Jek has the whole “Phantom of the Opera” angst going for him as a disfigured genius living in isolation. Well, there are his robot minions, but it is obvious when he kidnaps the Doctor and Peri that he has been starved for human contact. Peri is “So beautiful, sooo beautiful!” ::drool, hiss, drool, grope:: He wears a black and white leather mask, and apparently thought it best to coordinate with a very tight black leather suit. (Doesn’t hurt that he was played by Christopher Gable, who had a great dancer's physique.) Despite his lecherous behavior, I defy you not to feel a little sympathy for his character at the very end.
Sharaz Jek is a creeping, creepy creeper who creepily creeps.
6. Illyria, “Angel”
You should see her with the tentacles . . .
Superfriend Colleen brought to my attention this leather sporting, resurrected elder god. One of her favorite pastimes is beating up Spike, and she would like to keep him as a pet. (Honestly, folks, who here wouldn’t?) Training Spike, er, training with Spike, is an activity that helps take the edge off Illyria’s need for violence. Bonus Disturbing Points for walking around in the skin of Wesley’s loved one, Fred, tormenting him and exploiting his desire to be with her. (Poor Fred!)
The Training of "S"
5. Count Rugen The Six Fingered Man, “The Princess Bride”
Quote From imdb.com: "Beautiful isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. Presently I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel."
Ever the coward, Rugen hides his perversion under the veneer of studying pain "for posterity." Uh huh. You can’t fool us with your academic pretenses and stoic demeanor, Count Rugen. We all know you torture Wesley because you like it. It makes you happy. In your pants.
Typical Saturday Night for Count Rugen: Carefully studying & torturing blond, shirtless, well-muscled men.
4. Scorpius, “Farscape”
Scorpius achieves extra kinky mileage by use of the "chin thong."
Ooh, boy. Where do we start with Scorpius? The fact that his “coolant suit” happens to perfectly resemble something you’d see at the Folsom Street Leather Fair in San Francisco? That he forcefully, ecstatically shoves cooling rods into his head to stave off delirium? His memory extracting mind fuck chair? Or that we’ve seen him practically have a bondage picnic with his romantic interest, Sikozu? Of course there's much more than that to Scorpius; he's a complex, calculating villain. Who just happens to be freaky deaky in a big way.
That's right, Scorpius wants to watch. In fact, he could be watching you . . . right now . . .
3. Adelei Niska, “Firefly”
"The Train Job"
"War Stories"
"And for my next project I will sew Mal, Jayne, and Simon together to create a 'Human Firefly!' What? It's not sick, Shan Yu wrote all about it, you ignorant Philistine!"
What can one say about Niska but “Brrrrrr!” Joss Whedon certainly loves sadistic bastards with a tendency to wax philosophical. (Remember Erly? Just what was UP with that guy?) Like our pal Count Rugen, Niska has a supposed intellectual interest in torture, but it’s apparent that causing pain and suffering gives Niska pleasure in the depths of his very soul. The scenes with Niska are the most brutal of the series, up until the movie “Serenity,” that is.
“You died, Mr. Reynolds . . . When you die, I can't hurt you any more. And I want two days at least, minimum."
2. Baron Harkonnen, Dune
Baron Harkonnen: proof that some gingers do not, in fact, have souls.
Vladimir Harkonnen has quite the mélange of nasty habits. ::ducks tomatoes:: Gleeful torture and murder of prisoners? Check. Sadistic treatment of young (too young!) male slaves? Check. Necrophilia? Doubleplusnasty check! This guy’s idea of a good time is to watch while his nephew murders sex slaves. Thank Muad’Dib that Alia was there with her Gom Jabbar to pop him like a balloon full of rancid pork in the end. I just read that the Baron’s corpulence is the result of an STD as well. Dude, could you get anymore disgusting?
1. Pinhead & His Cenobites
“Hellraiser” and Many Unfortunate Sequels
"Sooo . . . heard you guys summoned some hell demons, eh? Who's up for torture?!"
It’s hard to pick just one to top this list, but few have achieved such iconic kinky status as Pinhead. The black leather, bits of exposed flesh, and lovingly displayed mortal wounds make Pinhead and his crew stand out from other villains. Sure, they’re as evil and murderous as all the others . . . but they just enjoy it so damn much! In fact, they have no other motivation: torture is their goal, not a means to any other end.They don't want information, more power, or to rule the world. They just want to do stuff to you. All kinds of stuff with hooks and chains. “No tears, please! It’s a waste of good suffering!”
Still not convinced? Watch the video below.
It's the wallet that says: "Black Pope of Hell" on it!
There were a lot of characters I considered for this list but didn’t make it because their identities as villains are too defined by their, well, rapey fictional deeds: Mr. Gone, Yellow Bastard, Pyramid Head, Deathstroke the Terminator, Typhoid Mary, and many more. Any kinky bastards you can think of that I left off? Put `em in the comments, but please keep `em on a short leash.
The safeword is “Abraxas!”
Labels: Boredlizzie, disturbing, lists, Sexy, TV, villains