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Once again, a faithful SOHB reader has granted me permission to transform her into a kickass WWE Digital Diva!(mark this day--it's likely the last time you'll see the initials "SOHB" used here)


This one's been a long time in the works. Those of you not amongst the ranks of the Superfriends, or who don't post on Topless Robot, probably don't know our Robbie very well. She is listed under "THOSE RESPONSIBLE" as a contributing author--but she's also a grad student working on her dissertation, and a full-time teacher. Ergo, she hasn't yet been able to share anything with us--we all eagerly await her contribution to my little blog.

So, for those amongst you who haven't had the pleasure--meet Roberta Leopoldino:

She's a very lovely girl--but a bit shy. I was granted the honor of a better picture(which is now my cell phone wallpaper), but I'll respect her modesty(though it baffles me) and stick with this one from her Blogger Profile. I'd rather not make the assumption that the pic I was sent was intended for public display(besides, she's got the same hairdo in this pic as I gave her Diva).


Robbie was technically the very first Superfriend--the first TR poster that I began corresponding with outside of that website, months before my blog became Topless Robot's de facto chat satellite. She was also one of the first people to sign up as a Follower. I don't think there's a single regular who's been with me as long as she has.

As I mentioned, she's a grad student and teacher. She studies English Literature and teaches English as a second language in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil--and works harder than any sane human should.

She is, of course, a Nerd of the highest order--getting to know her has actually made me appreciate being an American Nerd: So many geek essentials we take for granted here are either completely unavailable, or exceedingly rare in Brazil.

Bottom line: She's a brilliant, charming, and beautiful person--and I am a better man for knowing her.





Ok--I've embarrassed her enough: On with the Divolution!



Robbie's Diva is unique. The other two represent my attempt to approximate the requests of my subjects--Coleen and Joltess picked their own costumes, and I did my best to recreate them within the limits of Smackdown Vs. Raw 2010.

In Robbie's case, she granted me leave to choose her costumes--so this is all my creation, both in concept and execution. There is one exception--a Diva can have up to 4 outfits, and I was stumped on the last one. So I put the question to the assembled Superfriends, and dear Myriam made us all look like fools by suggesting the classic Hot Librarian. Everyone chatting that night felt like grade A morons. I mean really--what else do you give an English Lit scholar?

Oh, and for her Diva, I've decided to use the Portuguese diminutive of Roberta: "Beta". Not only have I always liked the sound of it, it also works very well as a Diva name, what with the long and illustrious roster of famous Divas with single names ending in "A": Lita, Layla, Chyna, Natalya, Melina, Maria, etc.


I'll start with the first outfit I made--it's pretty simple, in fact, it wouldn't be out of place at an actual match. All that really sets it apart is the Brazilian color scheme of yellow and green(I'dve put a flag on it--but Brazilian flags were not an available option)













Sorry about the pic quality--wish I didn't have to get these by photographing the TV.

Next is your basic Goth chick ensemble--you could probably find most of the pieces of this outfit at your local Hot Topic.









I had trouble with the third outfit. Robbie's something of an Anime fan, and even though it's not my scene, I live to serve the patrons of my Art.

Originally I made a Japanese schoolgirl-type costume, but it frankly bored me--it's been done to death, even by me on some of my original creations. So instead I went more of the warrior/martial artist route--and I'm rather proud of what I came up with: I call it "The Red Dragon"









This also will be the outfit featured in the video below.



Finally, we have the aforementioned Librarian:






But that's just the entrance attire--who'd want to wrestle in a pleated skirt and blazer? It'd be hot and constrictive, right? Fortunately, she's got this on underneath(and I swear--I was merely thinking of convenience and comfort here, no other considerations whatsoever!  ;) )







Here's Librarian Beta making her way to the ring:







And now, let's all watch as Beta gives one of my earlier creations--evil imp Hellion--an unholy beatdown:

Oh, I almost forgot--one other thing this game allows you to do is create your own custom-made finishing moves, so I made one for Colleen, Joltess, and Robbie(I'll have videos for the other two soon).

Watch as Beta performs The Rio Guillotine on her hapless opponent(about halfway through the clip).













There ya go folks, hoped you enjoyed this as much as I did. :)

Stay tuned for the rechristening of the blog--coming soon!



Trotinette

(blowing into conch shell)



SUPERFRIENDS! ASSEMBLE!


Hmm...not that simple, huh?


This article is directed at a very specific group of people--a collection of like-minded souls who found my little blog and made it their virtual second home. They came not only to shoot the shit and occasionally comment on whatever nonsense I happen to post, they started to contribute, sharing their unique perspectives and talents with my dear readers. They became almost a family.


And then...They disappeared.

Where did they go?





Now for some of you, I know the answer:

Colleen is still here, we just spent 7 hours straight chatting. She's been here almost every day, and we love our conversations, but we greatly miss the rest of the family.

Robbie, along with being absurdly busy, has been without Internet for the past few weeks--completely understandable.

Myriam and Abraxas are busy as hell with school--Ok.

Joltess recently touched base--she's been occupied with her horses and Canadian Thanksgiving. That's cool. She should be back if we don't lose her to World of Warcraft.




Differences in time zones make it diffficult for many of the Superfriends to communicate at the same time, I know:

I've no idea where our Imperial Ambassador, George, is hiding himself.

FadR has apparently FadEd into oblivion.

I've seen Fabi on the TR boards, but she hasn't graced us with her presence in some time.

I really hope my theory that Aussie Superfriend Doctragon was eaten alive by dingoes is false. You've got the best taste in music of anyone I've met in years--we need you!(you're also kinda cute, I'm not sure why that's important--but there it is)

New Superfriend, but longtime fellow Topless Roboteer Rickicker finally caved in to my repeated begging and showed up at SOHB--and then disappeared. WTF?




And Zorrt1! Where the hell are you? You live like two hours from me!



Look, I know you guys have jobs and school and lives outside of the online world. I'm not trying to get on your cases here. My goal is not to pester or guilt-trip anyone into coming back to the fold.



I just want you all to know: Colleen and I love you and miss you! <3 As much fun as the two of us have chatting, we'd rather have you folks with us when we're having a 7 hour bull session--there's only so much two people can do!


Come back as soon as it's convenient for you:

You guys will always have a home at SOHB. We're not going anywhere.


I'll let Joey Ramone speak for us from the beyond...




See you soon.


The Family Scoot

Jolan Tru,



99.9% percent of this article I previously wrote in two consecutive emails to my friend, fellow nerd, original TR Superfriend and soon to be SOHB contibutor: Senhorita Roberta Leopoldino(in other words, you can skip this one, Robbie ;) )

At the time, I thought it was decent work and deserved to be up on the blog some day, but that was back when next to no one read this thing and I only bothered to post about once or twice a month.

Now that I have a confirmed audience, I thought the time was right to share these words with my little community, it also seems an appropriate way to welcome Robbie to the unhinged ranks of SOHB's authors.

Lest I forget, Zortt1 will also be adding his voice to the blog--I'd love to tell you all about him, but I know literally nothing about the man save that he's a TR reader and seems like a nice guy.


Right, let's be on our way!



PART ONE: The Dark Ages



How did I become a nerd? Well, that's assuming I was ever anything else, isn't it? Here's a useful analogy: Some gay people can't remember ever being attracted to the opposite sex--since they were old enough to experience physical attraction its always been for the same gender. Others, however, may spend years--decades even--convinced they're straight, often to the point of getting married. This may be because the beliefs they were raised in were so intolerant that they subconsciously repress their real feelings. Or, it could simply be that they've been so sheltered that they don't understand their own impulses--they're often incredibly relieved once they learn that there's a name for what they are, and others out there like them.



So basically, what I'm saying in so roundabout and long-winded a manner is I've always been a nerd, I can't recall ever being anything else.


Whoa, I've just remembered the first time I was directly called a "nerd". I hadn't thought about this in years--it literally just came back to me. This may not be the literal first time I was called such, but it was definitely the first time it really struck home, the first time I knew I was different.

I was either 10 or 11, and hanging out with the kids across the street. Details are vague, but the oldest kid there, the elder sister of this family, was teaching the rest of us how to be "Punk". I realize now that she had no idea what she was talking about, or even what the word means--somehow, being "Punk" consisted of drawing peace signs on all your clothing. Who knows where she acquired this bizarre notion--but hey, she was a teenager, and therefore knew everything and was way cooler than a little kid like me.

Anyway, following the time-honored principle of "monkey see, monkey do"--I went home and proceeded to decorate my gym shoes in the prescribed manner(drawing the peace signs upside-down as I recall), and returned forthwith to my neighbor's house, bursting with pride from my newly discovered coolness. My neighbor's reaction still rings in my ears over two decades later:


"You're not Punk, Jamie--you're a Nerd!"


I don't recall ever being as humiliated before or since. I ran home, mortified beyond belief. My shame was such that I cut the insufficiently "Punk" emblems out of my shoes with scissors, preffering to wear them mutilated than decorated with failure.


It's funny, I declare myself a Nerd with almost indecent pride nowadays, and when I use it to refer to others, it's always as a term of affection and respect. It's strange to realize that not so long ago, in my own childhood, the very concept of calling someone a Nerd for any reason other than to cause pain or express hatred was utterly unheard of.


Remember a few months back on TR when the inclusion of Olivia Munn on a list of Nerdiest Celebrities ignited a firestorm of rage and indignation from "Real Nerds" who were convinced that Ms. Munn's avowed nerdhood is a complete sham?

Do you have the slightest notion of how absurd the very idea of being a "Poseur Nerd" would have been in, say, 1987? In those days, you either desperately hid your nerdish leanings, or accepted life as a social pariah(as you probably guessed, I chose the latter).



We've come a long way!(I'm starting to sound like I lived through the Civil Rights Movement).



PART TWO: What's In A Name?


I generally only use the word "nerd" as a matter of convenience. Technically, I've always considered myself a geek.


As I see it, there are three terms for the kind of people we're talking about: Geek, Nerd, and Dork.


GEEKS

Geeks are defined by their almost obsessive enthusiasms, usually for things like sci-fi, comics, movies, anime and other things Japanese, video and role playing games, and other similar subjects(NOTE: Interest in such things per se by no means automatically makes one a Geek). Geeks themselves can be subdivided into three basic classes:

Collectors, who focus all their time, effort, and energy into the acquisition of any item remotely associated with their particular enthusiasm.

Adventurers, who are most interested in experiences such as conventions, concerts, book signings, celebrity appearances, cosplaying, and the like.

And Brains--walking data receptacles obsessed with learning the most esoteric facts imaginable concerning their favorite subjects(these are my people).

Granted, most Geeks probably have a bit of all three of these tendencies, but generally one is dominant. For instance, I'd love to go to a con, but I'm not gonna live on peanut butter and work double shifts for six months so I can afford tickets, transportation, and lodgings.

Geeks are usually, though not necessarily, of above-average intelligence, and though often shy and socially awkward, they're generally able to function amongst non-Geeks reasonably well.


NERDS

Nearly everything I've said about Geeks could be applied to Nerds, and the two groups are often almost indistinguishable. The most important difference is while Geeks are usually highly intelligent, Nerds are always so.

Furthermore, ambition, discipline, and a strong work ethic are all typical Nerd traits, while many(though not all)Geeks are slackers. Many Nerds also add some more intellectual pursuits to the list of common Geek enthusiasms--Chess(or for Japanophile Nerds, Go), stamp or coin collecting, classic literature, theater and opera, art appreciation, butterfly collecting, and so forth.

Lastly, though Nerds certainly face the same social pitfalls as Geeks, a signifigant number of them are also prone to superiority complexes, further alienating them from the general population.


DORKS

Last--and by all means least, we have Dorks. Take everything I said about Geeks--and remove the ability to communicate meaningfully with the rest of humanity.

Geeks understand that the vast majority has no interest whatsoever in their pursuits and enthusiasms, thus they do not force them upon those who are ignorant and/or apathetic--they save such conversations for their fellow Geeks.

Dorks, unfortunately, seem to believe that the world would be a better place if every man, woman, and child knew the intimate details of their World Of Warcraft guild. Remember the TR contest where we discussed times when we were embarrased to be Nerds? Nine out of ten of those stories were inspired by the actions of a Dork.

Also, Dorks have the largest number of individuals of below-average intelligence among these three groups. Not that this is always the case, a Dork may well be a genius, just an obnoxious and socially inept genius.

And worst of all, because Dorks often travel in the same circles as Geeks and Nerds, and seem to have a predilection for making public spectacles of themselves, the rest of us are stigmatized and assumed to be of a kind with such human embarrassments.(Kinda like the way typical Christians feel about Fred Phelps)



Well, I hoped you all found this educational as well as entertaining. And remember, I'm no expert or authority--the definitions offered here are based solely on my own experience and are completely subjective and unscientific.

I'd like to dedicate this article to Gmail--without their policy of saving every email sent from one of their accounts, this work would not have been possible.

And to the Copy/Paste function, without which this mess would have taken hours to manually type out with my shitty keyboard.



TV's Scoot

Over 400 comments last night--bravo!

Your reward is above, the lovely Jewel Staite--man do I wished I'd used Google when I first started searching for images. The stuff I got from Yahoo wasn't half this awesome.

Ta,

Das Skoot