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Alright children, Aunt Colleen is here...post food poisoning. I'm seriously trying to figure out what God I pissed off that shit keeps hitting my body like this. I wonder if s/he is in the same Pantheon as the God of Unemployment who has never liked me. ANYWAY, Sanctuary has started up again on Syfy (I pronounce it SIH-FEE in protest of the lame name change). I'm gonna do a quick synopsis of the developments from the first two episodes of the new season. Follow me into the insanity that is the Sanctuary network.
ALRIGHT! Henry gets himself some TAIL! I also learned how to edit the video-width!!!
A visual for the upcoming Season of Sanctuary...and a brief "WTF" description of what it is.
ALRIGHT! Henry gets himself some TAIL! I also learned how to edit the video-width!!!
EPISODE 1: Well, first off they changed the opening-credits theme...not sure if I like it yet. So, last we left our intrepid monster hunter-gatherers, Helen was kicked out as leader of the Sanctuary, Will inadvertently became herald to a God, an "amphibian life-form with a Napoleon Complex" took over the Sanctuary, and some random Brit decided, for no sane reason that I can see, he wanted to begin the End of Days...oh and Kali the Destroyer is actually a ginormous Spider (named Bertha by the Sanctuary) who can mess with the Magnetic field of the Earth...at least in the Oceans. And she does when Lizard-Napoleon decides to attack her. So there's a tidal wave approaching India, Pakistan and some other nation, I forgot which.
Anyway we see a whole mess of ships in various states of disarray post tidal-wave. The two ships that are least damaged are the Sanctuary Flagship (I didn't even KNOW there was more than one Sanctuary vessel out there) and the Brit's ship. Mumbai, India gets hit with the Tidal Wave, Will is barely alive and taken by Indian Head of House, and Kate tries to save people...Badness is ensuing in general. Brit wannabe "destroyer of worlds" Forsythe's mini-Kali dies so he's fucked. Lizard-Napoleon aka Dr. Beckett from Stargate Atlantis, decides that the proper response is to attack AGAIN...Helen of course flies a helicopter to protect Bertha and Bertha thinks she is being attacked and sends a gigantic EMP...knocking out all electronics, of course. Helen crashes into the ocean. She is luckily saved by the Brit. Henry is told to fix everything on the ship, but of course he's just trying to get information to send to Helen and just be a general pain in the ass. At this point the Brit has pretty much ceased being the villain and is kinda neutral cuz he's dying & Helen takes over his ship. She talks with the last member of the Order of Kali who tells her there is one last way for the true herald to talk to Kali...in the Spirit Realm. She and Will discuss how to do so without, you know, permanently killing him...although he says "I'm dying so who cares WHEN?!?" Helen is not ready to give up on him living...aww, cutesy moment over the Feed...they so need to screw. Back to the story, Will has cardiac arrest induced. Fun. He ends up in what looks like the Hall of Mt. Olympus (this might be what it is for all I know). Kali is in the middle with a black man seated at her left and an Asian man to her right...so we're going to assume they're Gods/really powerful abnormals too...and a bunch of robed & cloaked assistants. Meanwhile, Indian and Kate are seriously attempting to revive him since its past the point of no-return. He entreats Kali, telling her DUDE I WASN'T THE ONE WHO ATTACKED YOU! and asks her to stop the fucking tidal wave from hitting Pakistan and random country whose name I forgot. As, she says, he is very special for being able to even get to Mt. Olympus, she'll do so. She does something weird and stops the tidal wave from hitting random country.
But Napoleon-Beckett is still bent on destroying Bertha. Helen positions the ship between Bertha and Napoleon-Beckett. Forsythe tells her and his crew to get the fuck out and he'll stay on the ship and protect Bertha. Apparently, he wanted to create the island chain to start his own "sanctuary" for abnormals. "The Island of Dr. Moreau, done correctly." So he ends up kinda like a hero...and he's cute so now I'm sad he's dead. Napoleon doesn't actually WANT to kill Helen so he keeps trying to call her to tell her to MOVE THE FUCKING SHIP. My favorite line of the episode (from Forsythe) ensues "Oh SHUT UP!" And then "if this is an amphibian lifeform with a Napoleon-complex please bugger-off, anyone else leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible." BEEEEEEP! Napoleon tells the Captain of the ship to fire. At this point said Captain has had it with this asshole and "respectfully declines." So he gets some random dude to fire or whatever. Kali is knocked out. And this is bad cuz the tidal wave hasn't been stopped yet. But the other "Gods" stop it at Will's behest. They send Will back to life...and we have a close-up of one hand tightening around his wrist by an assistant...this will be important for the next episode so REMEMBER! The effects of the mini-Kali is wiped and he is ok. Alls well that ends well, more or less. Except that Will's memory of Mt. Olympus is wiped and no one has a clue what stopped the last tidal wave.
EPISODE 2: Will is suffering symptoms of PTSD. We start out with the team trying to capture an abnormal, because Will fell asleep and is all distracted the head of the British House (who is inexplicably still at the Canadian House) is injured during capture. Helen's response "This could have been completely avoided." Anyway, everyone is really concerned about Will's lack of improvement from his time being dead and all. Oh and Henry & Big Guy keep smelling something off at the Sanctuary. Also, the Sanctuary network has reinstated Helen as Head of the Network and Napoleon has lost his Head of the New York House status for his endangering so many people. Bertha is calm and contained apparently. Worried about insanity from sleep-deprivation, Will is given hard-core sleep aids and has flashbacks to his time in Mt. Olympus. And then it cuts to him seeing the stark-white abnormals...who, upon his awakening, disappear. Will tells Helen. They do a battery of tests and nothing is showing up to support WTF is going on. FUCK HER WILL! BEND HER OVER HER DESK & FUCK HER HARD DAMMIT! So she puts him under observation...with Big Guy giving him an I.V of an even harder-core sleeping drug called "Twilight." Before he passes out, they have a small discussion about the movies...and I would like to punch the writers in the nose for not simply stating "they suck" and actually have Big Guy saying that he liked Marcus. FUCK YOU WRITERS! NO ONE in the show should have even deemed to watch the movies...unless they are fans of Rifftrax, then ok.
Anyway, again Big Guy senses something foul afoot...and is attacked by the white abnormals. They knock him out and then place some weird probe doo-hickey on the back of Will's head. Helen sees the attack on the security camera before the abnormals manage to cut it out. She and Team Sanctuary runs to his rescue. The abnormals summarily disappear with nothing on the sensors to tell them where they are. But Big Guy & Henry figure out that the abnormals are secreting a scent to keep Big Guy & Henry's supersensitive nose from detecting them properly...and Henry creates a device to track them. Will is used as bait and the abnormals are captured and incapacitated. The weird-ass device is also captured. Henry & Kate are mulling over it. The two abnormals wake up...and IMMOLATE THEMSELVES! Now that's a buddhist-monk level devotion to duty. Henry figures out, after much frustration and Kate dropping it, that the device is a probe. Helen finds two injection points at the back of Will's head, above the hippocampus where memory is stored. They surmise that this is to extract the memory of Will's time at Mt. Olympus and then overload the memory so he loses it. Henry dials down its power level and they use it to access the Mt. Olympus memory.
We go back to the scene at Mt Olympus after Kali is knocked out. Will talks to the two other Gods. Black Dude says if Kali dies there will be SERIOUS BADNESS! Asian Dude says that Will obviously has pure intent since he was willing to DIE to save the world. Black Dude decides that the loss of life that would occur from the tidal wave would serve no purpose. Will is sent back to life...but this time after the wrist-tightening that I mentioned we see Helen's DADDY! He tells Will to remember an image that he leaves on Will's arm -26 -some symbol that looks like a lower-case m -34. Will relays this information. Helen figures out her dad's message. Its her 26th birthday present -some weird paperweight and her 34th birthday present -a manuscript by Michaelangelo. She flips through the pages, telling the rest that her dad believed Michaelangelo discovered the power of crystals, and finds the page with the M. She puts the paperweight over the m and a miniature city surrounds them...its not a hologram, they can touch the stuff. Helen, rather unnecessarily in my opinion, tells the others they have to find this city if it does exist.
Ok. So there's the first two episodes in a nutshell. Next week Helen, Kate, & Will are at a bank where Helen, for an inexplicable reason, left an abnormal egg in a safety-deposit box... It has hatched early, escaped, & is apparently a parasitic species...so one of the patrons of the bank is a host. Now, they have to quarantine the bank. So Kate fakes a hold-up. ALRIGHT! Kate gets to show off her criminal skills...awesome.
And because I'm a loving Blogger here's Amanda Tapping garbed in the American Flag...and not much else...
Labels: Colleen, Love, paranormal, TV