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HA! HA! I HAVE RETURNED!



I had to spend two miserable days marooned in the real world.

But I survived, readers--I survived!



Hopefully, my roommates will be a bit more vigilant about paying the Comcast bill from now on. At least until I can get my own computer--after that I could give a shit.

We spent most of those Internet-free 48 hours watching movies, which was cool--until I went out for coffee and came back to find a crime against humanity on the screen. Yes, friends--I had to watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen yet again!

Now I know what side my bread is buttered on where my roomies are concerned: I live there free of rent or bills so I complain about next to nothing. Therefore, I kept my old friend "Buzzkill McSmartass" in check and didn't offer my snarky, though perfectly reasonable, commentary.


And yet, something like having to sit through ROTF cannot go unforgiven. Someone must pay in order for the universe to balance. So I thought this would be a good time to fulfill my Union obligations.

Oh, right! I forgot to tell you about the Union: The FNDGI (Federated Nerds, Dorks, and Geeks International). The Union requires all Nerd and/or Geek interest blogs, websites, and other digital media providers to meet a minimum requirement of Transformers and Star Wars content.

I was contacted recently and made aware of this statute. I was thus directed to meet this minimum requirement under threat of a full Nerd Audit--I don't know exactly what that entails, but I don't want to find out.



So--Transformers, then:

I'm not interested in doing a review--if you haven't seen it, then my review will be ueless since rather than a fair, reasonable, assessment, I'm more likely to write a profanity-laden tirade of pure geek hate.

If you have seen it, then you're most likely sick of reading Profanity-laden Tirades of Pure Geek Hate. I'll either tell you what you already know--or piss you off if you're one of the few fans that this film defies the laws of nature by having.

I would like to say one thing--and I'm skirting heresy with this, I know:

Transformers 1 wasn't that horrible.

Oh, by no means was it great, and the Animated film still kicks its ass six ways to Sunday--but it could have been much, much worse.

I honestly found it somewhat entertaining in a mindless, escapist sort of way.

In fact, it was the fact that Part 1 actually had some merit to it that made ROTF so heinous. It was like they made a film out of everything that was wrong with Transformers--and then added blatant racism and the most excruciating attempts at physical humor this side of a Police Academy movie.


As I said, there will be retribution for having to endure this film twice--and today, retribution is being served up by Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy, and Mike Nelson. Yep, the geniuses of Rifftrax!

One of these days I'll have to buy the actual Rifftrack(if that's the appropriate singular form)for this film. Until then, we can all enjoy these "Best of" vids:


*sigh* I'm sorry--I didn't mean to get everyone's hopes up, but embedding's been disabled(fuckers)

Here's the links then:

Part one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynY6Xe0uWOI

Part two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRDT19smlGc&feature=related


Here's a shorter clip whose publisher was kind enough to allow embedding(after the jump, it's a tad wide)


Scootimus Prime




One of the other psychos(um...contributors)can take care of the Star Wars content.