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Something interesting happened recently. I started using deviantART.
http://www.deviantart.com/
You may be famliar with it.

Anyway I entered a writing contest to come up with a manga style comic idea. Then I won the contest. Most of the prizes consist of people doing character art for it and maybe even producing some pages of story.
I entered with this story I have called Dragon Spirit. I originally concieved it as a sort of parody of shonen manga boy hero type stories. But not a comedy parody, parody does not always have to be funny, you literary types should know what I am talking about.

Some of the prizes were deviantART points that you can use to buy stuff in the store or commission artists. I didn't notice it until the prize had been sent that one of the prize givers was none other than Vitaly S. Alexius the person who makes Romantically Apocalyptic.
http://alexiuss.deviantart.com/gallery/26168220
It feels like The Captain himself gave me something. It was just some deviantART points but still it felt kind of neat considering that I had just learned about Romantically Apocalyptic on this very blog and then won a contest with prizes from its artist without even realizing it.
http://alexiuss.deviantart.com/#/d3acvkw

I just thought I would share this with you all.
Soon I may post again with something more relevantly nerdy to our cause.

Happy New Year, Peoples!


I have no idea what Playboy bunny costumes have to do with New Year's--I only know they show up in nearly every Anime/Hentai pic that has a New Year's theme. Must be a Japanese thing.

(FROM THE FUTURE:  My girl informs me that 2011 is the Year of the Rabbit, and even though that's from the Chinese Zodiac, it's apparently "trendy" to recognize it in Japan--Thanks Scout! (^3^) )

I know I've been away a little while--my fault. I've been lazy. But the Holidays are over, and I'm resolved to bringing you lucky people the best Nerd/Comedy/Current Events material a free, not-for profit blog can offer in 2011!


Arright, now I know I haven't technically been here for an entire year, and I didn't build up any signifigant momentum as far as readers go until late September. Regardless, I thought I'd share with you the top ten posts of 2010 (okay, technically the top ten posts of 9 months of 2010 and 4 days of 2011, but close enough, dammitXD)

I was as objective as possible: I personally did not choose any of these, instead, I just looked at the Stats. So these are the ten posts you folks visited the most often, for whatever reason.

Yes, I'm afraid most of these are mine--just worked out that way. and there are a lot of great writers here who aren't mentioned at all. Unfortunately, most of them are either too new, haven't written very much, or both--I'll give them their due in another post soon--Promise! <3

Follow me to the Top 10--after the jump!




Ok, for perspective's sake, the website itself has received 31,281 views since it started. These are the individual posts which have received the largest number of views, starting with #10...But first, have another one of these:


I just like 'em is all...^///^
(my girl taught me Asian Emoticons--wonder if I can list them on a job application as a second language)

10. SCOOTER'S HALLOWEEN MEMORIES: THE COSTUME SHOP 226 Pageviews

This was the first post I ever left the house to get pics and info for--almost like real journalism!XD

God, I love this place!

9. A FIELD GUIDE TO COMMON FANFICTION AUTHORS, PART ONE 240 Pageviews

The first in my series of exposes (imagine the accent my keyboard can't provide: ex-poe-saays) on the various bizarre species of writer that populate Topless Robot's weekly Fan Fiction Friday segment

8. Know Your Meme? Lighten The Fuck Up! 245 pageviews

One of the very first things I wrote for this blog was this rant against KYM for their sanctimonious rejection of the Topless Robot spawned meme: WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS? It was relatively ignored until recently when KYM's snubbing was brought up on TR, and I offered the Roboteers a link to this diatribe.



7. CONGRATULATIONS, COLLEEN! 328 Pageviews

Frankly, this is nothing more than me showering accolades on TTOS contributor/babe Colleen Seelke after her very first post, back on the old SOHB.

I'm guessing the popularity involves the pic of a semi-shirtless Robin Dunne I posted as a way of thanking her.

6. SCOOTER REVIEWS SOMETHING! A LOOK AT COMEDY CENTRAL'S UGLY AMERICANS 359 Pageviews

The first review I ever wrote...That is all.

5. Anti FFF "The Kikyo Effect" 359 pageviews (5 and 6 are technically a tie)

The first of Dr. Abraxas' brilliant series showcasing the other side of fanfiction (the well-written, mature, and interesting side...yes, there is such a thing)

4. A FIELD GUIDE TO COMMON FANFICTION AUTHORS, PART THREE 415 Pageviews

Apparently this series has been fairly popular, and there are more entries coming in the new year. Some of you may be interested to know that this very post is where I christened the TR Superfriends!




3. POLL RESULTS: TTOS SETTLES THE INTENSE, DIVISIVE DEBATE CONCERNING EMMA WATSON'S HAIR!  612 Pageviews

Multiple pictures of Emma Watson of Harry Potter fame are likely the source of this post's popularity...Sure, I can pretend it's my acerbic wit or superlative vocabulary--but why live in denial? I'll ride the wave of folks who want to bang Hermione Granger--doesn't bug me! XD

2. COMICSNIX! WISDOM FROM BEYOND TIME! 662 Pageviews

My insane theories about insanesier fanfic scribe ComicsNix.

1. Chuck's Mom Kicks Ass 772 Pageviews

Yep...Numero Uno ain't one o' mine! This is Colleen's synopsis of the first episode of Chuck, Season 4. And I actually haven't read it!

Now everyone here knows how much I love Colleen and her work, but I'm a Chuck fan and I've been unable to see any of it since the end of Season 2--ergo, I don't want any spoilers. So the most popular article on my blog is an article I can't read!XD


Thanks to all my lovely readers and contributors for making all this (such as it is) possible.

Have a great 2011, Peoples!





Scooter's Shiny New Year

Ahoy-hoy!


Sorry, It's been a couple days, I know!

I've been neglecting my duties as Blog Czar these past few days. Been doing most of my chatting at Google--more private. And I've been trying to write a new TR List, finally finished at about six this morning. Point being, I didn't feel quite right penning articles here while actual paid work was being ignored.

But I'm here now, ready to resume my post--how has my realm been faring? Good?

I'm relatively neato (as Carlin would say). Saw Inception finally--loved it. Roomies bought Dead Rising 2--haven't played it yet, but any game where you get to bludgeon zombies with a wheelchair already has my vote on principle.

Oh, and in case you haven't noticed--the Amazon ads have been removed. Nothing against Amazon.com itself, but the way it works is I post advertisements for various items, and receive a commission every time someone clicks the link. In the 8 months since I started this mess, not ONE of you people has bought a single damned thing.

I'm not gettting down on you, folks--times are tight, I dig that. But if no one's gonna make use of the advertisements, then it becomes nothing more than me giving Amazon (and whatever items I feature) free publicity. Not to mention wasting space on what is already a terribly cluttered blog.


Anywhat, today I present a delightful piece inspired by my recently completed Daily List, it's a wonderfully meaningless, superficial dollop of digital marshmallow fluff:

PRETTY GIRLS AND RAMEN NOODLES!

What up?


Been dragging my feet a bit lately, I know. I sell an article to TR and all of a sudden I'm too good for my own dinky little unprofitable blog?


Well, no more!

I promise henceforth to keep providing the same regular, quality content you good people have come to expect from SOHB, regardless of whatever outside success I may achieve.


So, with this in mind, I've got all sorts of nifty little tidbits to share with you, the only people who matter to me in the world!<3


While I'd definitely like more of you to submit your pics of nerds and their nerdstuff, I did receive one very special submission today:

This friends, is the former, pre-DC move desk of none other than Mr. Topless Robot himself--Rob Bricken!

Unfortunately Mr. Bricken had no pictures available that included his likeness, but given the prestige of this entry, I'm willing to make a one-time exception. Here's a few more shots of TR's New York office, and the treasures that adorned it:





Items of interest: Castle Greyskull, Opus





Question: Is the pic next to the cork-board indicative of a love for Bowie? Or vodka? (probably depends on whether or not it's Friday)


In further photographic news: Because one reader submission gallery that everyone ignores just isn't enough(I kid because I love!<3), I'm announcing a new page where I will proudly display photos of victorious TR Contest winners in all their olive-green glory! I invite every reader who has triumphantly acquired him or herself this magnificent symbol of the Geek Elite to send me a pic or two of themselves clad in awesomeness. As always, send your submissions to scooteratreides@gmail.com (same goes for those of you who want to contribute to the nerd stuff gallery, or why not do both! I'd so love you forever!)

We've only got 3 pics so far--two images of sublime gorgeousity(SOHB contributors Colleen and Joltess) and some geek in a ponytail desperately trying to look cool(me)--please help us flesh this thing out.


That should do for tonight--one tiny little thing remaining:

Remember when I posted the pics and video of the Diva I designed for Joltess?

I said that while I actually recorded several videos, I couldn't use them because the computer wouldn't support asf files?

Well, Youtube does. Once I uploaded them to my channel they played fine.

So here's Joltess in her pirate garb approaching the ring--a little belated nod to International Talk Like A Pirate Day(quality is kinda crap I know, my bad)





More to come tomorrow,


Skazooter



 Good Evening Friends,


If you're a regular 'round these parts, then no doubt you've heard that my first paid article was published on Monday morning--A Topless Robot Daily List. If you're new, then take a gander.


But what most of you probably don't know is this: The list published on TR was first featured, in a slightly different form, right here on SOHB!


It was a more innocent time, before the Superfriends, before The Meditation Chamber or Scooter's Divas or My Happy Place. Back when nobody wrote for this blog but me(and rarely at that), and there was this absolutely hideous lighthouse motif in the blog's background. It was the tackiest thing you ever laid eyes on, but I had no choice, it was part of the only template available at the time that could hold all my pics and gadgets and widgets.

TR had just done consecutive pieces on G4's coverage of the Slave Leia Car Wash. (wait--I said consecutive, didn't I?) This was the start of many a spirited conversation about Slave Leia, how hot she was, how irritatingly ubiquitous she was becoming, and how 99.9% of the models and actresses who wore her trademark ensemble were so not real nerds.

In the midst of this it occurred to me that perhaps there was some equally titillating nerd fetish attire out there that deserved to have its praises sung. Thus I composed a blog article entitled THE TEN MOST ICONIC GEEK FETISH OUTFITS THAT AREN'T SLAVE LEIA(yes, even in title writing I can be long-winded and histrionic).

What I wrote back then doesn't bear the vaguest resemblance to the list I'd eventually sell to Topless Robot. For one thing, in my hubris I thought I'd do TR one better with my list by making it interactive: The first five entries were chosen by me, the second five were to be selected by my "readers".

I think by now you've probably figured out the flaw in my master plan: Putting a list together with the help of reader input is much easier when one has readers. Not to say that SOHB is anything that impressive now, but compared to what it was five months ago I'd call it a resounding success.

I can't help chuckling to myself when I think about the ego it took to post a list like that. Consider this: Currently 14 people are signed up through Google FriendConnect as followers of this blog. At the time I posted the list, I had a grand total of 3: One was my Dad, The second was my friend John(the guy who convinced me to start a blog back when I thought blogging was the most senseless waste of time the Internet had to offer--everyday I curse, er...thank him for his sage advice)

And the third? ME.

So after a few days of exactly zero comments, I swallowed my pride, took down the list, and posted what amounted to an apology for my presumptuousness. But I included a note of hope: I promised that if SOHB ever became sufficiently popular I'd revive the list.




Well, not only was the list revived--it came back with a vengeance!

Instead of being a mere post on a simple amateur blog--a national media outlet purchased it for use on a well-known  website!

I'd call that a fuckin'-A WIN!



Right, that's enough with the self-congratulation--I've got a surprise for you folks, my beloved loyal readers.

One of the few issues I had with TR's editing of my work was some of the pictures chosen. Particularly the pic of Catwoman, which as my selection for number one should have been accompanied by the best pic of the list. This was the pic used:



Now, don't get me wrong--she's all manner of hot. It's that look on her face. She's obviously not aware she's being photographed, or if she is, then I'm guessing she just had some bad clams or got a jury duty notice or something.

Were she posing, I have no doubt she'd melt the lens of any camera pointed at her, they just caught her at an unfortunate moment.


So, I thought I 'd provide my own mini-gallery of the hottest Catwoman cosplayers I've been able to unearth. Enjoy, and thanks for your support!


P.S. I must give a serious shout-out to my friend John, who pushed me into beginning this insane enterprise. All of this, everything I've achieved with this blog and with my writing, has only occurred because John wouldn't take "No, that's a stupid idea" for an answer. He's also the only reader to contribute to the list: He suggested Leeloo.

Superfriends, this is the man who built the Hall of Justice.

Thanks, John--I love you, man.




 

Oops--the pic that was originally in this spot turned out to be of a maquette. To anyone who, due to my oversight, masturbated to a picture of a plastic woman--God, I'm so sorry. Here's a shot of a 100% real human cosplayer--I SWEAR!



I really like this one--very Newmar-esque figure









Umm...

Maskless, yes--But I'm not bringing it up, I wouldn't want to see her angry(or would I?)



This is my fave. I think its going up on the sidebar--it's genius!

There aren't enough cosplayers who sport the TV show ensemble. This is one of the best.

Oh, completely unrelated tragic news: David Hasselhoff has been eliminated in the first round of Dancing With The Stars!

NO HOFF! DENIED!!

What kind of God would allow the Almighty Hoff to be shitcanned while the likes of Bristol Palin and The mother-humpin' Situation continue to darken the dance floor?


'Course, I don't actually watch the show. I have no idea how good or bad Mr. Hasselhoff's footwork honestly was. I just know that a decrease in the overall amount of Hoff in the universe is never a good thing.

(dramatic sigh)





The Man They Call "Scoot"

I need to apologize to my fellow TR SuperFriends for being out of touch this week. Suffice it to say a lot of school related work came to a head and needed my attention. Anyway, today I am free...to torment Rob...er...yeah.

Speaking about Rob.... YAY, I got my shirt! :) It's too bad I do not have a camera. It would be my entry for that Nerd in Nerdom thread Scooter wants us to do.

I promise good FFF as opposed to typical FFF. This week's column features a work that I love immensely. (Or, in WalMart-terms, I want to mix DNA with it all over teh place.) Yes, I love it. It inspired my own "Somebody Who Loves Me" a fluffy/fuzzy/warmy feeling story. And that's not a place I venture into ordinarily. It's also (hold on to your lightsabres!) Sam/Bumblebee.

Yes, Sam/Bumblebee!

Electrosexuality - with a twist. It's about romance not sex. It's not a ComicsNix joint. It examines the emotional side of the Sam/Bumblebee ship and does so in a very touching and realistic (!) manner.

In The Wake by Piscaria

A few notes about the story. It relies on a couple of bits of fanon. Namely, that the "spark" is like a soul and that the Transformers are able to project realistic 3-D holograms of themselves. This is referred to as holo!Bee (or holo!Prime, holo!Megatron, etc). Myself, I only ventured into that holo-territory once (see above) as it's not my favorite way to approach human/bot ships. I like to keep bots as bots! (Now, admit it, machines can be ubber-sexy - you know it!)

In other news - I re-watched Avatar last night. It's officially out of the theaters :( yet I managed to watch it 5 times during its re-release :) I've completed, in first draft form, two Na'vi related stories. And! I'm trying to learn the Na'vi language. I leave it to your imagination to figure out why. >:D

Ya done good, Silky! Ya done real good!

SOHB, in cooperation with our parent company: The Great And Terrible Forces Of Lucifer, Inc. offers it's warmest regards and congratulations to Mrs. Colleen Seelke for her first official post!

Not only did she compose an amusing and interesting recap of "Sanctuary"(which I, for one, appreciated since I didn't know jack about the show) She also formats her articles better than I do! That's why whenever I include a pic in one of my posts, it's always dead center and about medium size--I just leave it the way it is when it first comes up. If I fiddle with it, I just make a mess of things.

As for the show, it certainly sounds intriguing--kinda like The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as envisioned by Joss Whedon. Personally, they had me at Christopher Heyerdahl, who I came to love when he was on Supernatural as the Demon Alistair, the coolest, creepiest badass in all nine levels of Hell!(Yeah, he WAS also in a Twilight film, but Alastair is an awesome enough role to wash away any sparkly emo residue left on Heyerdahl's career.)

So, now I've gotta find a way to see the first season before the second come out--not bloody likely at present.

But this isn't about me. Keep up the good work, Colleen! I look forward to part 2.

Here's a little bonus in recognition of your service, enjoy!

Even a straightish male like myself can appreciate this--besides, Robin Dunne was on a couple episodes of Dead Like Me, the most underrated show in human history, and that automatically raises him a few points on the Awesome Scale.


P.S. Colleen? Remember to sign your posts--we've got 4 authors now, it'll help keep eveything straight.

P.P.S. I'd also like to announce our newest addition to the SOHB family: Flaxen-haired beauty and Cybernetic Equestrian Enthusiast-- The Joltess!

She's Canadian, so you know she's funny!


Scootacus

Bon Soir,



Wow! Turns out there are actually people crazy enough to want to write for me and my dubious readership!


So far, two have answered the call to serve nerd-kind: Graduate of the Future Bond Villains of the U.K. Program and future Overlord of Humanity--George Neale!



And SOHB's favorite ginger Vocabulary Diva and Verbal Samurai--Colleen Seelke!



Others will hopefully be soon joining them in their sacred mission to spread the Gospel According to Nerd.
I'd like to get the broadest variety of contributers possible, so any writers, poets, essayists, reviewers, comedians, artists, musicians and directors who like what you've seen here, and want to be a part of this insanity, JOIN US!

That's all I really have for tonight, I'll have a real post tomorrow.

Oh, done a little more decorating--just streamlining and rearranging, really. And just so you know, the new "How To Contribute" page is really just the previous article pared down and saved for posterity. Just wanted it there for the convenience of future converts contributors.

One more thing, congrats to my fellow obsessive-compulsive maniacs who got the post count at TR over 2000! More than double what Rob challenged us to get! WE ARE FUCKING AWESOME!!!



Ootscay

Hoopla!


So here's the deal--SOHB's got itself some regulars now.

Granted, mostly they come by to hang out and bullshit--and there's nothing at all wrong with that, don't get me wrong. But they do also read my nonsense from time to time, and through word of mouth they're likely to bring more warm bodies along to witness the magic that is The Scoot.

Ergo, I thought this might be the time to expand. Hence, I'm opening up SOHB to contributing authors.



Got a wild hair up your ass?

Something you wanna rant about?

Got some neato pictures or videos you'd like to share with our fair community?

Then come on over to the comments section and talk to me: All I need is your e-mail address so I can get you entered as an author(you'll also need to have, or be willing to start, a Google account). If you'd rather not post your address in the comments, scroll down to the "About Me" section and click on "View My Complete Profile", my e-mail is there--send me a message.

Write about whatever you like, I'm not looking for award-winning journalism--hell, it's just a blog.

I'm gonna take a second and imagine that my readers are total morons. Not that I believe this--I've nothing but trust in the intelligence of my readership. But stupid people are like roaches--you never know where they'll show up, and there's always more than one of them. With this in mind, let's go over a few simple guidelines for those who wish to contribute:

1. No hate speech--By this I mean blatant racism, sexism, homophobia, and religious or ethnic bigotry. Don't worry--I'm not a stickler for "political correctness", and I can certainly take a joke. I'll be counting on you folks to know the difference between good-natured roasting, and true malice or ignorance.

2. No pornography--At least in picture or video form(we'll talk about fanfic presently). I've no personal problem with porn, it's just not what I started this blog for. This is the internet--if porn's what you're looking for, there's(at last count) about 30 quadrillion sites to choose from, this just isn't one of them.

3. No spammers or solicitors--I'm already shilling for Amazon. You got something to sell--go to Craigslist or Ebay. There are exceptions, of course--say you found a cool t-shirt or the like, go ahead and post the link. That sort of thing's fine, since it's not you using the blog for your own profit(When I start making money doing this, maybe then we'll talk)

Concerning fanfic--Regulars know that this is a subject of interest here, indeed, at least one familiar face around here is a fanfic scribe.

So, here's the rules: You can link to whatever you like, at that point it's the reader's own funeral if he/she wants to check it out. As for what I'm willing to feature here, I reserve the right to read any fanfic before publishing. Any contributor who attempts to publish a fic before allowing me to read it will not only have his work removed, but will also be removed from the Author's List and no longer be invited to contribute.

EXCEPTION: ComicsNix is granted carte blanche to publish any goddamn thing he desires should he grant me the honor of contacting me and becoming a contributor. This may sound unfair--BUT THIS IS COMICSNIX! Whatever he writes may have serious repercussions for the future of the human race and the world as we know it! (See my expose` on the true nature of ComicsNix's work in the Archives)

What, exactly, will I refuse to publish? Truly hateful, violent, nihilistic fics will not be featured. I know this sounds kinda vague; I'll take each story on a case-by-case basis. For a better idea of what is verboten here, got to Topless Robot, and look for something called The Pokemon Story--basically, anything of that ilk will not be welcome here.

Rejected fanfic authors need not despair, though: All submissions deemed too repellent for publishing here will be forwarded to Rob Bricken at TR, and if you're "lucky", your work just might get featured on TR's vaunted Fan Fiction Friday!

That reminds me: Fanfic that is published will be presented as is. Running fanfic commentary is Rob's territory, and I cannot and will not compete with him.


So that's it. I hope some of you pick up the gauntlet, and join me in providing quality nerd-interest, left of center, freethinking editorial and entertainment content(y'know: Things what the geeky-types like!)


Scootley Whiplash

Yo,


Figured it was time I did a post people could actually read.

As much fun as I'm having with the Get Along Gang from TR, this is still a blog, and I must have one or two readers left who come here for the articles(I do, right? RIGHT?)

So, since tomorrow's Fan Fiction Friday, and I've invited the Super Friends over to lick their wounds afterwards, I thought this would be a good time to continue with my daring expose(don't know how to type accents)on those bizzare creatures who see fit to inflict fanfic upon the universe.

(and we may as well be the Super Friends, we come from all over the world, and we each have special powers: We've got two hot nerd chicks, a smooth-talking Brit, and an honest to Krom fanfic author. Me? I don't need powers--I run the Blog. )

All right: Pleasantries concluded--on with the show.


CHAPTER FOUR: The One-Armed Wordsmith
(Example Specimen: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/06/fan_fiction_friday_the_x-men_in_dirty_x_men.php#more)


This species has interests that go beyond those of its cousins. It's not interested in shocking, mortifying, or scandalizing its audience, and it doesn't seek to suck all Goodness fom the world like so much strawberry-Mango smoothie(proof of the existence of Good if ever there was such). No, the One-Armed Wordsmith(who hereafter shall be referred to as "OAW")honestly finds his subject matter titillating, even if no one else in the universe does.

Essentially, the OAW's writing is little more than glorified spank material. The OAW's work can be distinguished by its detailed descriptions of sexual acts(degrees of accuracy vary between individuals). The OAW also tends toward characters who could "reasonably" be imagined as sexual partners. True, some skew towards the Shock-Jock by employing characters of incompatible ages or species, but these are the minority. For the most part, the OAW sticks with consentual acts between individuals of the same species and of appropriate age. However, DO NOT BE FOOLED! Just because they go easy on the bestiality, pedophilia, and sexual violence that permeate the fanfic world does not mean their stories aren't potentially scarring, disturbing, and repulsive.

Last week's offering is a good example(though not necessarily typical of the breed):http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/08/fan_fiction_friday_harry_potter_and_draco_malfoy_i.php
Disgusting as this tale is, it involved consenting adults engaging in non-violent practices. And it very much carries the hallmark of the OAW--the writer is absolutely in love with his material, and lavishes tender detail upon the acts described(unpleasant though they may be)

The main variation within this species is between those who are really only interested in arousing themselves(the majority), and those who actually seem to fancy themselves Erotica writers. This is usually where the few talented members of the species can be found--and once in a while they can produce works that are truly sexy--even to the sane!

Well, I think that should do it.

I'm glad you took the time to give this a read before just jumping in to the comments. You're not like the rest of them, you're a good person :)

Skewt-ur

And now, our voyage into the nightmarish underworld of the fanfic writer continues...


CHAPTER THREE: THE NIHILIST
(Example Specimen:      http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/07/fan_fiction_friday_the_pokemon_story.php)


I have come to know this particular species very well as it thrives in the environs of Fan Fiction Friday. It has adapted itself so well to this habitat for two reasons: 1. Rob Bricken is an evil, evil man and 2. Topless Roboteers constantly urge Mr. Bricken to feature the darkest, most repellent, most soul-rendingly horrific works on FFF, and he is more than happy to oblige(see reason #1).


Unlike its cousins, the aforementioned Little Scamp and Shock-Jock, The Nihilist isn't interested in provoking his audience--truth be told, I'm not certain who or what The Nihilist's audience is supposed to be. What I do know is his work is not simply shocking or perverted or disgusting--The Nihilist seems to draw his purpose and inspiration from a deep and powerful hatred of all that is good, pleasant, innocent, and positive in the universe. Destruction of anything that affirms life or gives purpose to existence is his only goal.


Overly dramatic, you say? Pompous hyperbole or histrionics, perhaps? That's what the examples are for--click the link, take a gander at "The Pokemon Story". See if you can come up with any other possible motivation for writing such a thing. In fact, this is definitely a species you need to actually observe in nature to truly appreciate. I cannot do it justice, and to be absolutely honest, I don't really want to know why this creature does what it does.


More later, I need to pace myself when it comes to fanfic.

Neon gas tubes apeared on the walls, and a range of different colors illuminate inside Optimus's ass with all colors of the spectrum. It was a really shame R2-D2 couldn't smell the daisy fragance permeating Optimus Prime's anus. R2 had no nose.



BOOM!

I thought I'd just hit ya with that straight off. No warning, no preparation, no time to brace yourself or down a shot, just the pure, unadulterated magic that is the Patron Saint of Fanfic, ComicsNix!


This comes from a story that was featured on my beloved Topless Robot's Fan Fiction Friday this week, so naturally I had to plumb it for the secret extratemporal messages I'm convinced are hidden somewhere amongst the Robotic Sodomy(I think I have their CD around here somewhere)and Alien Penis Grafts(saw them at the County Fair last summer--they suck). I think the cure for cancer is somewhere in this one. Must continue my studies. Think of this as The DaVinci Code, only with more "beautifully adorned rectums".


P.S. I won TR's weekly t-shirt contest last week, I'll be posting a picture of my prize as soon as it gets here, though I'm not sure if I'll be wearing it in the pic. I kinda like the idea of being all faceless and mysterious. And I kow I haven't been showing this blog the love it deserves, I'll try to have something new for my adoring, yet silent public at least once a week from now on.

Yo.


Since every moment you're on this blog is a moment away from porn, internet gambling, World of Warcraft, and other necessities of existence, I feel that it is my responsibility to offer you something of real value for your time.


Hence, I give you a new weekly feature, one I might actually keep current on: COMICSNIX! WISDOM FROM BEYOND TIME!


Should you be unfamiliar with the magnificence that is the works of ComicsNix, take a moment and scroll down to the link list on the left (and please enjoy the images of Christina Hendricks, Jewel Staite, and other Geek Goddesses whose visages beautify my otherwise bare and ugly little blog). I won't spoil the wonders you will find should you take my advice--suffice to say, ComicsNix is a fanfiction author regularly featured on Topless Robot's Fan Fiction Friday. Now, those of you conversant in fanfic may think you know what to expect: Deviant pornography featuring various sci-fi and cartoon characters and composed with no concept of syntax, vocabulary, or proper spelling. Well,  the work of ComicsNix is indeed all of this, but so much, SO MUCH more!


You're familiar with the concept of things coming full circle? Something so bad it becomes good, so ugly it  becomes beautiful? ComicsNix's stories are so brilliantly insane that instead of doubting HIS sanity, you begin to question your own. Imagine going back in time to the 15th century, gathering together the greatest minds of the era, and attempting to explain quantum physics to them. Naturally, the majority won't understand a word you're saying, it'll be pure gibberish to them. The rest will assume you've had congress with demons and call the inquisitors, but a few, a very, very, few just might suspect, if only unconsciously, that there is a great truth behind your words. They'll never be able to express exactly why they believe this, but it'll be enough to stick in their minds and cause them to question their own conceptions of reality.


Indeed, the more I read of ComicsNix the more I begin to suspect he is a time traveler from hundreds, maybe thousands of years in the future. He is attempting to use our primitive internet to pass on great knowledge that could perhaps be the salvation of the human race, but our feeble, undeveloped brains cannot process his ideas properly, and thus translate them into perverted fanfic.


So, each week I will present a kernel of extra-temporal wisdom from a ComicsNix story so that we may reflect on his words and perhaps decipher their deeper meaning--the fate of the Universe may depend upon it!


Read this, friends. Meditate upon it. Let it sink into your being:


"Nopes! You can't touch yourselves without my self approval condolences!" and she punches heavly in the face Buuble to the air, who flies like the lightining stairs of Andfromeda to the outer space screaming like a raped middle aged wapanese kangaroo.




Some of you may be hearing a faint dripping noise. Do not be alarmed: It is merely your brain liquefying and draining out your ears. Trust me, you'll not only get used to it, but come to enjoy it. Goodnight, folks. Ponder well.

Those who know me know that more than anything I want to create. I want to make comics and stories and all sorts of things. I'm inspired by my favorite super-hero comics, but unlike a lot of people who like comics, I have no real aspiration to write/draw them. I've got my own projects.

And with the downtime I've got right now in my life, I'm trying to put together one of my comics. I'm working on my drawing, which is the main obstacle to actually doing it. The story is there... Mostly.

That said, I'm always looking for ideas for story-arcs. So, I'm going to throw a question out to you, the loyal readers. Let's see if you can come up with some things that'll get my creative juices flowing. So:

It's not secret that I like to write. At the moment I've got half a dozen comic scripts and a like number of novels in the works. I've got so many ideas (though they may not be good ideas) flowing through my head that I don't know what to do with them all.

But interestingly enough, I find that there aren't many characters at DC that I'd really like a chance to write (needless to say, I have no interest in any Marvel characters). I love characters like Batman, Superman, and Aquaman, but I don't really want to write about them. I want to read about them.

Most of the characters DC has that I'd like to write are forgotten characters. Characters that have been sitting around in limbo for years and years. Even characters that have been forgotten by continuity. I once thought up a way of bringing them all back into a series for amazing adventures through the Multiverse.

Yeah, I said Multiverse. I know I've made it very clear that I'm not a fan of the Multiverse as it existed in the pre-Crisis days. But I always felt that it never really went away. There were still alternate worlds and things, they were just really hard to get to and rarely bore much resemblance to the main DCU. And that's the way I liked it.

So I've always wanted to write a story about a team of Elseworlds and retconned out misfits that travel the Multiverse righting wrongs and in some cases, trying to find a place to belong. These travelers are led by a powerful character searching for a lost loved one. Said powerful character is later revealed to be a major DCU character who once headlined his/her own series. What can I say? I love to play with continuity.

So that's my dream project at DC. Unfortunately, the return of the Multiverse as it is in some ways wipes it out. Though I still think I could pull it off. Maybe some day I'll get a shot...

(And before you say anything, yes, I have been told that this may in some way resemble Marvel's Exiles series. But when I conceived my idea I'd never heard of Exiles. And obviously I've never read it. So there.)